Part 11..im still going


Upon completion: Oh lord i will be the first to admit this part absolutely
sucks. I don't know what i was thinking; all i can say is that this is
total filler and i'm stuck in a creative rut...even with heavy editing
it still sucks. It's totally melodramatic in some places, unbearable shallow
in others...i apologize in advance. I just want to write the ending, dammit!
Not the precursor to the ending!
The Beryl part might be (will be) a little confusing, but bear with me here.
I do have a point, really.
Ugh, here we go: on with the total sap. Please flame me. Venusorbit1@aol.com

i do not own sailor moon.

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* * * * * * * * * * *

Darien slung one leg onto the coffee table and frantically tapped
the controller's buttons, desperately attempting to give his running
back a speed burst before he was completely pummeled. "Come on, run,
you piece of shit!" The speed burst came a second too late, and the
player went down in a burst of animated glory. Matt's Giants performed
a choreographed victory dance on the sidelines.
"Nice hustle, Chiba," Matt cracked his knuckles. "If I want a challenge
next time, I'll play Artemis. And he doesn't even have any thumbs."
"You ARE an asshole, Matt," Darien muttered. Matt held out the plastic
jug of Sunny Delight, and he accepted and took a swig. They were planted on
the couch in front of the TV, ignoring last night's incredible mess that
surrounded the island of a couch like an ocean. Approximately 400 red plastic
party cups covered the floor like new-fallen snow, and not all had been thrown
on the carpet completely empty, thus the squishy, sodden carpet. A strange,
acrid odor hung around the kitchen, youma or pot, most likely the latter,
and one's shoes stuck to the beer-and-dirt glue layered on the linoleum. Darien
had woken up smelling like a homeless alcoholic with a bad case of halitosis.
After showering, he had borrowed a change of clothes from Matt, whose wardrobe
took up the majority of the closet that he disproportionately shared with Jay,
and had used the red toothbrush, whoever's that was.
Darien's Broncos trotted off the field, heads hung in defeat. "I would
have had that in the bag if the speed burst worked."
"You're blaming the speed burst? Maybe you're just too damn slow." Matt
yawned. "What time does the game start again?"
"Two. We have a good hour or so before we have to leave."
Kevin appeared from the hallway, clad only in a pair of shorts and his tattoo.
His eyes were glassy. "What the hell happened in here?" He kicked a pile of plastic
cups out of his path to the couch.
"If you didn't drink so much you would have remembered," Matt replied, jerking
the controller sideways as he spun away from Darien's tackle. Kevin plopped heavily
next to Darien, groaning.
"I could easily sleep for another five hours." He leaned his head against the
back of the couch and picked up the Sunny D. "Don't we have any cups?"
"Sure, we got tons, just look on the floor."
"I play winner."
"That's going to be...me! Yes!" Darien smacked an incredulous Matt in the
back of the head. "Didn't see that opening, huh?"
"I did," Kevin announced. He pulled the controller out of Matt's hands.
"You're a disgrace, Matt; you let some Japanese kid who's probably never even seen
a single Super Bowl beat you at football."
Matt shook a pack of Camels on the coffee table and was satisfied with the
telltale rattle of a lone cigarette bouncing off of the cardboard interior.
"I hope he beats your hungover ass, Kev. Hey, Darien."
"Huh?"
Matt flicked his lighter and lit up. "Don't you think it's weird that all of
you are from Japan, and you're all Caucasian? Did you live in like, Little
America or something?"
He thought about it, probably for the first time in his life, and tried
to lay the pieces together. "I never really thought about it. I know that
Mina's parents are from England, because she has dual citizenship, and Lita's
parents were in the military. I think they were American, but I'm not sure;
she was born in Japan. Serena's parents were descendants of missionaries, and
I don't know about Raye and Amy. Raye's mother must have been at least part
Japanese, because her grandfather is one hundred percent Asian."
"What about you?" Kevin's 49ers were already fourteen points up, and only
four minutes had clicked by on the clock.
Unnoticed by the other two, Darien suddenly clenched the controller so
tightly that his entire hand turned white. "I don't know. I don't think anyone
did."
They were silent for a few minutes, the only sound in the room being John
Madden's voice as he provided the commentary. Matt ashed his cigarette onto the
floor. "Who's going to clean up this place? Jay would be shitting himself if
he could see this." Contrary to popular believe, Jay was the anal neat freak
of the house, despite being so laid back he was practically prone. He stored
his collection of Mr. Clean, Fantastik, and sponges in assorted shapes and
sizes under the kitchen sink. Kevin grunted.
"Why don't you just ash on the floor and make it worse?"
Matt extended his arm and exaggeratedly flicked his ashes on the floor.
"Like this?"
"Keep doing that, Matt."
"When did you start caring? It's bad enough that my mother's hounding my
ass, telling me that I'm going to die of emphysema."
Darien was silent for a few minutes. "Actually, you won't."
"Yeah, I'm sure, because Camels go down SMOOTH, and don't leave a layer
of tar on the inside of your lungs like other brands." He exhaled a cloud of smoke.
<< Do they even know? Should I tell them? Dammit I wish Luna were here!
She's so much better at dropping A-bombs than I am! >> "No, you won't, because
you're not going to die for a very long time."
"Are you kidding? With my lungs and liver, I'll be lucky to see seventy."
"No!" His voice was much more insistent, and both of his Generals gave
him a strange look. "What I mean is, well, since the...Let me put it this way.
If you have the same physiology as the Senshi, which I'm almost positive you
do, your lifespan is dramatically increased. In fact, you should stop aging
soon."
Matt paused. "So, when you say dramatically increased, you mean I'm
going to see a hundred, and look like I'm twenty?"
"I mean you're going to see five hundred and look like you're twenty."
The two guys to either side of him ceased movement and breathing,
allowing Darien the opportunity to easily score a touchdown. He was used
to the news already, but at the same time he could remember how he felt when
Luna had pronounced him practically immortal. "You could still die thought,
so don't get any ideas. When Luna told me, I was about to join the Air Force
or something, just as long as it involved risk..."
Matt held out his cigarette and smiled. "So you mean, I beat cancer?"
"Guess so."
"HAH! Screw you, nicotine, I won!" He took several victorious puffs in
succession and blew it right in Darien's face. "I beat cancer! I beat cancer!"
Kevin had stopped controlling his players, and was oblivious to the fact
that Darien was utilizing his temporary advantage to score several times in a
row, once on a 99-yard punt return. His face paled to the color of dead ashes
as his mind trekked several steps into the future, exploring the outcomes
instead of blindly celebrating the current situation, as Matt was, bouncing on
the couch like a two-year old who just drank a gallon of Jolt. "We're going
to outlive our families, aren't we?" he said hollowly. "We're going to
outlive everyone."
Darien successfully went in for the extra two. "OK, I know where this
is going, and I'm not even going to try to explain the shit that's going to
go down. I'll have Luna and Artemis give you the big 'Why You Should not
Drop out of School and Bum Around Europe just Because You Are Going to Live
to be a Thousand Speech.' They'll clear up all the shit for you; I'm still
dealing with it myself."
"A thousand? I thought you said five hundred!" Now Matt had a trace
of panic in his voice, and Darien wondered why he had opened his mouth in
the first place.
"Hey, it could be anything, not just a round number, all right? Forget
I said anything in the first place, OK? You are going to die of cancer."
"But you said-"
"You'll die in the next ten minutes if you don't shut up!"
Matt rattled a few empty packs on the table, desperate for another
smoke. "OK, we'll talk about it later. I'm just going with the presumption
that I'm going to die in the next ten years." He found a pack with three
left. "And I was going to quit, too. Oh well."
Kevin squinted at the box score in the corner, disbelieving his eyes.
"Wait, what's the score?"
"Thirty six to fourteen," Darien mumbled.
"You scored on me when I was zoned out, you asshole!"
"Like you wouldn't do the same!" Darien countered, his eyes ablaze.
Kevin's face cracked into a grin.
"You ARE an asshole, Chiba. Too bad you can't beat me on your own."
They settled back into their game, only breaking the comfortable silence
with muttered curses, mutual insults, and an excess of macho taunting.
Guy shit.

* * * * * * * * * *

The stands let out a communal "OOOH!" as the barely visible ball
sailed over the second baseman's outstretched glove by a good foot or so,
landing and bouncing in the outfield, allowing the runner who was stealing
second to go ahead to third. Bryce's team manager jumped out of the dugout,
swelling up like a water balloon stretched over a faucet, and began screaming
at the hapless catcher who had overthrown. Serena slapped her hand over
her forehead and groaned.
"Oh my God, Jay is having the worst game of his life!" She moaned
dramatically, unaware that Jay's worst game of his life occurred in his first
year of Little League when he ran the bases backwards and then cried. She
was pretty close though; Jay was having a terrible game.
"I wonder why," Raye mumbled, staring down at her hot dog and blushing
a peculiar shade of red. She turned her attention back to Jay, who was
putting his mask back on and looking particularly disgusted with himself.
Her heartstrings were not merely pulled, but nearly ripped from her body in
one long piece. << Oh, he looks so sad! I wish I could go down there and
hug him or something! And he really looks cute in all that catcher
padding-gear-stuff! And the tight pants! >> She shook her head. << When did
I start thinking like Serena? >>
"He's just having an off-day," Mina explaining, leaning back in her
seat and yawning. "I used to have those when I played volleyball." She
pulled on her gray DZ sweatshirt. "Why is it getting so cold?"
"Why are you so tired?" Lita was sitting on her opposite side,
curling one of her long fingers around a shiny brown curl. She was having
a particularly good hair day, if she did say so herself. << Where the
hell is Matt? He said he'd be here, and want him to see my hair while
it still looks good! >>
"Why are you so preoccupied with your hair?"
"Why do you ask so many questions?"
"Stop it, you two." Amy's eyes were glued to the bullpen, where
Zach was warming up. Her mind felt fuzzy and disconnected, as emotion
was invading the stronghold that reason had over her brain. The previous
night was stuck in replay, no matter what she tried to distract herself
with. She thought of the warm comfort of waking up in his arms, the way
he pulled her close and kissed her, how the bed smelled like him after
he left. She had curled up on that spot and laid there for a good hour
or so, tracing the crease in the pillow that his head had left behind.
"WATCH OUT!" The shouted warning snapped Amy out of her daydream,
and a hand shot out a foot from her face and snagged the foul ball before
it had a chance to smash into her face and break her nose. The crowd
clapped politely at Lita's one handed catch, oblivious to Amy, who was
hyperventilating in shock. "Whoa, where's your mind, Amy? You should
have seen that one coming."
"I-I was..." She didn't even know what to say, and to her horror,
her face turned hot and she blushed. "I'm sorry, Lita, I really should
be paying attention."
All four of her friends were staring at her like she had suddenly
sprouted an extra head or something. "What? What's the matter?"
Mina and Serena dissolved into giggles, and Raye leaned in so far
she was practically resting her head on Amy's shoulder. "You did, didn't
you?"
"What are you talking about?"
Raye ripped open a pack of mustard with her canines and squeezed it on
her hot dog. "You know, it! The only it worth talking about!"
"Oh, that it," she said softly. "Yeah, that it."
Serena squealed. "Oh my lord Amy why didn't you tell us? How was it?"
Amy wanted to crawl under the stands and die. << Oh my God what do I
say? >> She stammered incoherently for a few minutes before coming out
with, "Fine."
Raye snickered. "You're not supposed to say 'fine,' Ames, it's supposed
to be, 'mind-blowing.'"
Amy covered her face with both of her hands. "I can't believe you
guys! We're not supposed to talk about this!"
Lita licked her fingertips and pressed them against a lock of hair.
"Why not, Amy? It's perfectly natural and you shouldn't be embarrassed
about it! Take Raye, for example. She definitely got laid last night,
otherwise Jay wouldn't be playing so badly."
Raye's eyes widened as she choked on a mouthful of bun, and she
reached over and punched Lita in the arm. "Oh, so what about you? You're
sitting here preening like Miss America!"
Mina yawned again, nearly cracking her jaw in half. "Who wants
to go for a coffee run?" she asked over the squabbling of the two girls.
Serena burst into a grin. "AWW! This is hysterical! Amy's all
distracted, Lita's all into her appearance, Mina's all tired and Raye
messed up Jay's game. It couldn't be more perfect!" She felt a tugging
on her pant leg. "Oh, hi Luna! Hi Artemis!"
"What's all this fuss about?" Luna whispered, curling her body
around Serena's feet.
"Nothing," all five girls said in chorus, all suddenly preoccupied
with various points around the stadium.
"How's the game going?" Artemis poked up his head as much as he could
without being detected.
"Bryce is losing, thanks to Jay and his sucky performance." Lita
ran both hands through her hair and swiveled around to check the stands.
"That bad? I wonder what happened?" Luna didn't notice how red
Raye's face was.
"Couldn't tell you," she muttered, pulling several strands of black
hair out of the mustard pool on her hot dog. "Aw, gross."
Another foul ball came pinging towards the stands, to the girls'
right, and was caught by a tall, dark haired guy heading down the stands
to the front. The crowd applauded again as he threw it back onto the
field.
"Darien!" Serena chirped, standing up and waving. Artemis tried
to see around Mina's legs.
"They're late; it's already the third inning."
Lita shrugged. "It's not like they missed much. Baseball's not the
most action-packed sport there is; they don't even have a shot-clock."
She smiled at Matt as he sat behind her and kissed the top of her head.
"You look great," he mumbled low enough so his friends wouldn't
hear. She beamed. <<Hell yeah, he noticed my hair! >>
Kevin slid in next to Mina. She let her head drop onto his shoulder.
"Hi," she mumbled with her eyes closed, inhaling the scent on his neck.
He had obviously shaved; his face smelled like Edge shave gel.
"Tired?"
"Yeah," she said with her eyes closed. "You?"
"Yeah."
Darien checked the scoreboard. "Two errors already? Who's been
screwing up?"
Serena sighed heavily and smiled, like a small child giving up a
big secret. "Jay. Both are on him."
That animated the lethargic Kevin for a few seconds. "Both of them?
Oh my God, he should be hanging his head in shame." Behind his head, Matt
elbowed Darien and pointed at Raye. They both smirked.
"Oh he's way beyond hanging his head in shame," Serena supplied.
"He's moved on to 'slinking off the field with his tail between his legs
and paper bag over his face.'"
"Speaking of tail..." was all Matt got out before Lita elbowed him
in the solar plexus, knocking all available oxygen out of his lungs,
eradicating his next comment into silence.
"Hey, Luna." Luna padded behind legs to get to Darien. "I need your
help later," he whispered.
"Why, what's the matter Darien?" she said in the same hushed tone.
Darien swallowed.
"I kind of let it slip to the guys that they're going to, you know,"
he stalled. "Live forever."
Luna gasped, an automatic response these days. "Darien, you didn't!
Did you fully explain the conditions and consequences surrounding the
entire issue..."
"No, I just kind of told them to talk to you later."
"Oh dear lord," Luna huffed. <<How do I even put up with this? I keep
forgetting that they're just a bunch of kids and have no idea of what they
are doing. >> "All right, don't worry, I'll take care of it. I'm used to
doing damage control already."
Artemis had been listening in. "No wonder Jay's having such a bad game;
he has all this on his mind."
Serena interrupted loudly. "No, I think it's because he had sex with Raye
last night."
Raye had never turned so red so fast, and she cracked Serena on the
arm with enough force to make the other girl yelp. Everyone but the cats
and Kevin burst out laughing. Luna fumed while Artemis flushed, and Kevin
simply smiled. "Serena!" Raye hissed venom. "Shut...UP!"
"It's OK, Raye," Matt smirked. "Everyone has sex. I had-ouch! I'm
sorry!"
"You'd better be." Now Lita was turning red. Raye sat with her face
in her hands.
Luna cleared her throat, trying to restore order. "I think we should
have a meeting tonight, all of us, and try figure out what the Negaverse is
up to, and what they're going to do next."
"And why the hell they trashed Graduate Ave.," Lita muttered, automatically
cracking her knuckles.
"OK, be at our place tonight," Matt offered. "We'll get some food, play
some cards, drink some beer..." He pulled out a pack of cigarettes, despite
the glare Lita was throwing him, and began patting his pockets for a lighter.
"And find out what the hell's going on. I don't know about you guys, but
I have a little score to settle with that Zoycite guy. The little fuck
almost took off my head last night...where the hell is my lighter? Kev,
help me out."
Kevin rewound the scene in his head. "It's on the kitchen table back
home. You never put it back in your pocket."
"Oh, G-damn," he muttered. "What am I supposed to do now, rub two
sticks together?"
"How 'bout you go two hours without a cigarette?" Lita said dryly.
Raye swiveled around in her seat to make sure no one was watching,
and then turned around and faced Matt. "Here," she said, cupping her hands
together. A small flame sprung in the pocket between them, and Matt leaned
over and lit his cigarette off of it.
"Thanks. Hey, you're even windproof." He smiled. "A human Zippo."
"Well, we'll see you later," Artemis said, rubbing his head against
Mina's legs one more time.
"You're not staying?" Serena asked. Luna raised her head and
looked out at the field.
"We're losing anyway," she pronounced, jumping down the crack and
landing underneath the stands. "See you tonight. Good bye."
"Bye," they chorused as Artemis's tail disappeared from view.
"Strike three!" the umpire called. Jay slammed his bat against
the ground in frustration.
"Oh, man, this is getting painful," Darien moaned. Raye wrung her
hands.
"Don't worry baby, just focus," she whispered.
Meanwhile, Luna and Artemis were making their way out from underneath
the stadium. "Artemis?" Luna picked her way around the garbage that the
stadium crew had obviously not gotten to in over a year.
"Over here," came the response. Artemis had stepped in a half-eaten
cotton candy, and was trying to pull the sticky pink sugar off of his paws
without it getting ground into his fur. "Ugh, this stuff is so sticky! How
can humans eat this; it's nothing more than sugar and dye."
"That's probably why they like it," Luna explained. Her voice softened.
"Artemis, did you hear what the girls said up there?"
Artemis used his mouth to pull at the confection, and ended up with
it all over his face. "About what?"
"About...it, you know." Her kitty face fell a little into a
weary, nostalgic expression, the expression a mother gets when she
sends her baby away to college. "I keep forgetting that they're not
little girls anymore; they're almost all grown up. When they graduated
from high school, I thought, there, that's it, they're going to leave
and I'll have to accept the fact that they're growing up, but we came
with them, Artemis. I've never been away from them until now, because
now they're all..."
"Falling in love?" Artemis said from around a mouthful of pink sugar.
"Yes."
Artemis rolled on his back, still attempting to pick off the
epoxy-like fluff. Rather than sigh with exasperation or chastise him,
Luna padded over and began assisting him. "Luna, how do you think I feel?
Minako-when I first found her she was only thirteen. Still in a training
bra, still collecting dolls, still losing baby teeth, even. She was so
innocent and carefree; all she cared about was dressing up and making all
those movies so that people would ask for her autograph in airports and
shopping malls. I was the one that had to break it to her that her childhood
as she knew it was over. I had to take that childhood away from her, to
make her train and fight and give up those dolls and volleyballs and boys.
And I was with her when she moved back to Japan, when she had to
look for the Moon Princess. She was at the height of her insecurity then."
"I know what that's like," Luna chuckled. "Sailor Moon used to
crumble into tears every time she faced a youma."
He swatted at more cotton candy. "I watched her grow up, Luna. I
watched her shoot up nine inches and three cup sizes, and I watched as
she grew older and more beautiful. Soon she was flying off to London and
Paris and wherever else they wanted her so they could dress her up and
take pictures of her for their own profit.
The next thing I know, my innocent little girl, the little girl
that used to sleep with me under my arm like a teddy bear, she's gone.
When she looks at him, I know what she's thinking. I know what he's
thinking; I know what he wants. He looks at her that way, and I can't
believe he's thinking THAT about my little girl." Boiled to the point
of frustration, he let out a strangled cry and started frantically
scratching at the cotton candy plastered to his face.
Luna stopped him gently before he hurt himself. Above them, a baseball
pinged off of an aluminum bat and the crowd started cheering. "Kunzite
wouldn't hurt her; he loves her," she said, trying to assuage her own
feelings by rationalizing the situation.
"I know that Luna." His voice was drowned to a whisper. "It still hurts
somehow; I mean, I couldn't expect her to be alone her entire life, but-but
I just wonder where my place is going to be, if her place is with him."
Luna bent her head down and pressed her forehead against his. "Your
place, Artemis, is with me."
They sat quietly for a few moments, rubbing their heads together
since, by simple biology, cats cannot kiss. "I love you," Luna murmured
into the white fur on the back of his neck, which promptly stood up at her
declaration. "Let's go back to Darien's; I think I've found out where he
keeps the catnip. And I can give you a bath, you're covered in sugar."
Artemis purred. He jumped up, dirt and debris sticking to the tacky
parts of his fur. "Is that a promise?"
Luna giggled in a way that was very unlike her. "Perhaps." She shook
her head to get any loose dirt out; the tags that Darien made her wear
jingling like bells. Artemis turned and trotted out into the sunlight, looking
back and laughing at the sight of his beloved shaking her head like a common
canine. He was halfway turned when he slammed into someone or something, most
likely a someone, since the path had been clear mere seconds ago.
He automatically meowed, just a normal housecat who happened to
escape the backyard.

* * * * * * * * * *

Darien juggled the two unwieldy paper bags as he tried to kick
open the front door of the building, obviously designed by an idiotic
architect who had it swing outward instead of inward and screwed multitudes
of grocery shoppers who returned home with their arms full of bags.
"Stupid...friggin'..." He really couldn't think of an obscenity big enough.
"I got it, don't drop those," Matt warned as he got in front of
Darien and pulled open the door. "Huh," he said as soon as they got
into the door. "Wonder why Zach or Jay didn't get the mail; they're home
already."
"Beats the hell out of me. Would you please get it instead of talking
about it? My arms are about to break."
Matt pulled his keychain out and stuck a key into the mailbox.
"Darien, will you take a shit or something? You're being all uptight and
Kunzite-ish." He pulled out the stack of mail, a thick pack of envelopes
and a magazine. "This must be from yesterday."
"Sorry," Darien apologized, even though he wasn't the least bit sorry.
<<He's the one who gets to carry food in a little, convenient, lightweight
bag with HANDLES. >>
Jay was moping on the couch when they got to the apartment. "If either
of you says one word, I swear to God I will take you outside and beat you
like a red-headed stepchild. I'm really not in the mood." And he wasn't.
"VH1" was the channel of choice on the television, and he hadn't even
bothered to change it.
Zach emerged from bathroom, scarily armed with a long, medieval-looking
sword that appeared equally scarily sharp. "Hey, look what I found!" He
began rotating it around with both hands, the blade hissing every time it
severed more air.
"Where the hell did you get that from?" Matt nearly fell over in
shock when he spotted his friend whipping around the very lethal weapon.
"He pulled it out of thin air," Jay explained lackadaisically, still
simmering in his morose. "I can too, see?" He held out his hand and turned
it over quickly, like he was dropping something. Another sword appeared,
handle first, swinging in his hand. He flicked his arm again and it disappeared.
"It's in the same place we keep our gloves. You and Kevin probably have
them too." He never took his eyes off of the screen.
Matt touched the place that existed between the world and his mind, the place
where his gloves were kept; the stupid, butler-like white gloves that would
transform him into Nephrite. Why was he only halfway surprised to find it
there? The feel of the handle in his grip, the heft of it despite it's light
appearance; it was all second nature again. << I remember this. It's coming
back to me. >> Snippets of the Silver Millennium were leaking through again:
training for hours a day, weeks on end, year after year. Jadeite was the
switch-hitter; he could fight with either hand just like he could bat both
sides, and was likely to switch several times during a fight just to mess
you up. Kunzite was hard to fight, not only because he was good, undoubtedly
better than the rest of them, but also because he could only fight left,
screwing up your entire dynamic. Endymion was the quickest; Nephrite of Old
had a scar on his shoulder where his prince had once nicked him during
practice.
The novelty had obviously worn off for Zach; he was now more interested
in the bag of food than the thousand-year old relic that he had only recently
discovered.
"Oh cool, did you get Fresno's?" He took the bag out of Matt's free
hand and began unloading its contents onto the kitchen table. "What's in the
bag?"
"Smirnoff," Matt said absently, putting away his sword and turning
his attention to the mail. He ripped open the top envelope. "Maybe for
tonight, I'm not sure."
"Good, I seriously need a drink. Where's Kev?"
"Parking the car." No sooner were the words out of Darien's mouth
when Kevin came through the front door, a 30-pack of Coors Light effortlessly
balanced on his shoulder.
"Beer's here."
"Give me one," Jay grouched. "Where's Raye?" He was talking in
caveman-mode.
"Coming down. They had to stop at their dorm for something. Why are
you watching 'Behind the Music with Poison'?"
"Get bent."
Zach was sawing his cheesesteak in half with his sword. Kevin remained
unruffled. "Oh, you found it."
"Yep."
"I don't think that's what it was intended for."
"It's metal, sharp, and can cut cheesesteaks. That's all I care
about."
"Wait," Jay popped open his can. "How did you know they existed?
Zach and I only found ours when we got home."
"I found mine a while ago. I didn't want to say anything because,
you know, I thought that I was the only one allowed to-"
Darien saw his opportunity, and pounced. "You thought you were
the only one capable of a sword!"
"No, I-"
"Yeah you did," Zach laughed, slicing Darien's cheesesteak for
him, despite the fact that there was a very available drawer full of very
clean steak knives very nearby. "You are full of yourself, Kev."
Matt held up a blue and white envelope. "Water bill! Fork it over,
you guys."
They all groaned, Jay the loudest of all. "Spot me, won't you buddy?"
"Hell no! I paid to get the boot off of MY car that YOU illegally
parked last month, probably the last five cover charges to penny night at
Dominic's, and the food that you're currently eating."
"This sucks," Zach muttered, wandering into his room and emerging
with a handful of bills. "I was going to take Amy out, too. If only someone
would stop the cavalier flushing going on in this place..."
"Zach, if you think I'm sticking to your Nazi-like flushing regime,
you... Hey, wow, I'd like to throw her a shot..." Realization dawned, and
Matt stopped talking mid-sentence. The water bill, along with the rest of
the mail, fluttered to the floor like dead leaves.
"What is it?" Darien asked, suddenly curious. Matt's jaw popped open
and shut with no sound coming out. Jay was suddenly interested.
"Yeah what is it? You win Publisher's Clearing House or something?"
Kevin was in the kitchen while this dialogue took place, tying off the
neck of the completely filled garbage can. "Damn, we're out of bags. I'll go
see if Musto has any..." As he turned around, Matt slammed the magazine
against his chest. If he could have looked any guiltier, twelve in the box
would have convicted him before they heard a lick of evidence. Kevin's eyes
narrowed.
"What's going on?"
"Nothing?" Matt gulped. "OK, I lied, SOMETHING, but it's really not a
big deal."
"Give it to me."
"No!"
Kevin advanced; Matt flipped the publication like a Frisbee to Zach,
who deftly plucked it out of the air. His green eyes widened in shock. "Kev,
don't shoot the messenger, OK?" He threw it at Darien, who instinctively caught
it, despite the warning bells going off in his head.
He was slammed against the floor as Kevin unceremoniously tackled him
and pried the magazine out of his death grip. One look at the cover almost sent
him into cardiac arrest.
What Matt had been trying to keep from Kevin was the latest copy of Maxim.
A girl graced the cover, her blond hair falling in thick, tousled waves around
her angelic face. Her blue eyes were only half-open, heavily shadowed gray and
black, her lips lightly glossed. She wore an obscenely tight, button-down white
shirt, only one of the buttons near the bottom actually buttoned, both of her
breasts sans nipples exposed. It must have been held in place with double-sided
Scotch tape, or Elmer's glue, or some kind of adhesive since it looked as if she
took a mere breath, it would shift and she would be naked from the waist up. Her
tiny black underwear probably covered more skin than the entire shirt. << Hell,
her hair probably covers more. >> One hand rested lightly against her naked leg,
her dreamy eyes and half-smile practically screaming a single phrase.
<< "FUCK ME!" >>
Kevin was beyond speaking, or movement, or breath, or anything else that
required a part of the brain not including the medulla oblongata.
Zach sucked in his breath, ready for the worst, and held up his sword with
both hands.
With much effort, Jay pried himself from the couch and peered around Kevin's arm.
<< Uh-oh. The shit is gonna hit the fan! >>
"Oh, come on Kevin, it's no big deal!" Matt was going in for some damage
control. "You should be proud! I mean, you're dating the Maxim girl! Do you know
how many guys want the Maxim girl?"
"Yes." His voice was ice and steel. Matt cringed. <<Oh crap wrong answer. >>
"Yeah, I mean, do you see Musto's girlfriend on the cover of any magazine
that doesn't have to do with porno?" Jay crossed his arms. "You're forgetting that
this is Mina's career, this is what she wants to do with her life, and if she
gets a break like this and is successful, good for her. You should be happy for
her instead of being all pissy that you can see everything but the pootie tang."
Kevin was silent. Darien cleared his throat. "I don't think that makes
him feel better, Jay."
"Why? He's being all bitchy about it when Mina didn't even know she was
getting the cover until the last minute."
Slowly, abysmally slowly, Kevin pried his eyes off of the glossy cover and
fixed his penetrating gaze onto his oldest and best friend. "You knew about this
beforehand?" His voice was like liquid nitrogen.
Jay saw his error and backpedaled. "NO! I mean, kind of, I just...Mina
didn't want you to know, OK? She thought you would freak out, and she was right
because you are, and she didn't want to get you upset, you see what I mean? I
wouldn't want you to know either if I knew you were going to be such a little
bitch about it.
So she's naked! Big deal! It's not like we've never seen naked girls before,
right? Hell, we get Skinamax!" A flash of a memory flew through his mind. "I saw
her naked once!"
They stood silent for a moment, remembering. "I did too," Matt admitted
weakly, fearing for his life. "But that was an accident! She was waiting for
you! Besides, it was a thousand years ago, anyway.
Come on, Kev, suck it up. It's no big deal."
"What if it was Lita?"
"I would be perfectly OK with it." Matt lied right through his flawlessly
capped front teeth. "Just deal with it. And besides, what can you realistically
do, buy every copy in the state of California?"
"Yes."
Someone pounded her fist against the door. Darien opened it. "Hey girls."
"Hello gorgeous!" Serena fell into his embrace. "Mmm, something smells
good! Who's got the food?"
"Me." Zach picked up a napkin and started wiping congealing cheese off
of his sword's blade. Amy peered at him curiously.
"Where did you get that?"
"Long story."
"Found 'em."
Kevin was waiting for someone. "Can I talk to you? Alone?"
Mina gave him a strange look. "Sure." They headed off to the bedroom;
Serena watched them leave with suspicion sprouting in her mind.
"What's going on?" She asked the room. Matt cleared his throat and handed
her the copy of the magazine. The girls crowded around and peeked over her
shoulders. The rest of the room watched as their eyes practically bulged
out of their heads and their jaws dropped.
"Oh," Serena squeaked.
"My," Amy supplied.
"God," Lita concluded. Her face clouded over. "Damn I hate that girl!
She's got such a tiny ass!"
Darien pulled a Coors out of the refrigerator and popped it open. "I
think that Kevin's less concerned about the state of her ass than the fact
that it is almost entirely on display for millions of horny servicemen and
scary recluses to enjoy."
"What are you talking about?" Amy, ever the stickler for details, opted
to clarify. "This picture is from the front, we can't even see her butt. Her
chest, however-"
"Uh, Ames," Serena said, holding the magazine open. "Scratch that." Inside,
Mina was leaning on the hood of a red car.
"OK," Lita started flipping pages. "Here she is on top of the car, and
here she is sitting on its hood, and..."
"Let me see." Jay elbowed his way in. "What?" he asked, off of the look of
Raye.
"You guys, relax, this is her job now," Raye sighed. "Did you ever see
pictures from her runway work? Sometimes you can see everything, and I mean
everything."
"We're not the ones freaking out about this, Kevin is. I guess it's different
when it's your girlfriend."
Raye crossed her arms. "And what difference does that make?"
"None, except that it proves that you know absolutely nothing about
guys."
"Whatever," Matt said. "Let's just eat some food and drink some beer, and celebrate
having our very own Maxim girl under our roof. Those two will work things out
and start grinding in no time, give them five or ten minutes." He snuck a glance
behind his back at the closed bedroom door. "I think that now that Kevin is
preoccupied with other matters, this is a prime opportunity to show the girls
the you-know tape."
Jay's expression remained blank for a minute, and then he broke into a
grin.
"Oh, you mean, YEAH! Let's do it!"
"What tape?" Serena asked innocuously, her mouth full of Kevin's
cheesesteak.
<<He's not here to enjoy it, so why shouldn't I? >>
Matt and Zach were already snickering. "Here, we'll show you," Zach
choked. Jay started rummaging through the video pile and stuffed a tape
in the dusty VCR's mouth.
"Wow, we haven't used this thing in like, forever. This all happened
last year, two nights after the football team beat USC."
"Behind the Music" blipped off and was replaced with the dim interior
of a bar. A stage was set up, with a drum set shoved towards the back, and
Kevin and another guy in front. Kevin seemed to be having one hell of a
time keeping himself standing, and was heavily supported on one side by
some guy. "That's Eddie, the tight end," Jay clarified. To the utter shock
and extreme horror of everyone present, and to the amusement of everyone
on screen, including the entire football team, Kevin was drunkenly mangling
his way through "Rainy Day Women #12 & 35."
"Oh my gosh!" Serena burst into hysterical giggles. "Look, everyone's
singing along!"
"How drunk was he?" Lita gasped through her laughter.
"This tape says it all. He could barely stand up." Jay was slowly
brightening as his horrific game retreated further and further into the
stream of time. "They were forcing everyone who was drunk enough to sing;
as soon as they dragged Kevin up I ran to this kid Brian Gordan's house
and got his camera. This is one moment in my life that I would never want
to forget."
"We were pushing for 'The Bum Bum Song,' but he wouldn't do it,"
Matt said.
Raye snorted. "This is priceless! God, I wish I was there!"
They let the carnage play on, the humiliation and amusement increasing
with every chorus. Fittingly, Zach blurted, "Speaking of stoned, why does
everyone smoke up in our place? The kitchen has been smelling like weed
for three months."


* * * * * * * * * * *

"What is...?" Mina managed to get her two words out before she was
interrupted.
"Why didn't you tell me?" She looked up at his eyes; they were like
stone.
"Tell you what?" She asked innocently. << How could he know that I
used his razor? I mean, could he tell the difference between guy hair and
girl hair stuck in it or something? Or maybe it was because I used his toothbrush.
But I didn't even know if it was his; it might have been Matt's. Ew. I might
have had Matt's saliva and plaque cocktail in my mouth! >>
He stared at her, hard, intense. "That you were naked on the cover of
Maxim."
Her mouth dropped open as her mind searched for a suitable answer that
would lower the red cape from in front of the bull. "I was not naked!"
"Pretty close to it, then."
She pulled up her entire five-nine and a half frame, which, though tall
by average girl standards, still fell pitifully short of six and a half feet.
"I was practically glued into that shirt, thank you very much, so there was
absolutely no threat of me popping out! And that shoot was mild compared to
some of the stuff I have to wear on the runway. Have you seen Gaultier's
spring collection yet? Nothing but sheer mesh and transparent..."
"Please don't continue." << Thank God the only guys that go to those
shows are gay. >>
She crossed her arms. "Why are you so upset? I thought you'd be happy
that I got this opportunity."
"I am, you know that...I just-"
"Just what?" << Why am I getting mad? I was the one hiding it from
him in the first place. >>
He looked at a point over her head for a few moments, and then started
over. "Do you know what Matt said when he saw it? 'I'd like to fuck her.'"
"So, he probably didn't even know it was me! All he saw was a girl on a
magazine cover!"
"So did a lot of guys. In a lot of different states."
It dawned on her. "You're jealous!"
He shrugged. "How can I not be? Thousands of hard-up prisoners are
beating off while looking at my girl."
Mina was aghast. "Why are you worried about this? It's just a picture;
it's not me for Godsake! It's not like I'm cheating on you with thousands of
guys who sneak a look at the cover for four seconds in the middle of Borders!"
"You don't see it, do you?"
"I don't see it because I don't know what it is!"
Kevin hadn't shouted yet, and the way he kept his voice low and controlled had
more of an effect on Mina than if he had screamed in her face. "You don't
see the way people look at you. The way guys look at you when you pass them
by. And not just the frat dorks on this campus, I mean, all guys. Taxi drivers.
McDonald's employees. Dr. McGowen."
"Dr. McGowen does not look at me! He's...OLD! And...OLD!" A revelation
hit Kevin square between the eyes; Mina was fighting the way she always fought:
as slippery as the smarmiest defense lawyer. By bringing up half a million
other points, pretty soon he would forget what the initial argument was even
about. <<You always fell for it before, you dumbass! >>
"That's not the point."
"So?" Heat rushed to her face. "And what, girls don't look at you the
same way?"
"No they don't."
"Yes they do? And you know what they think? They're thinking, 'Hey, look
at that really stuck up bitch with that really hot guy! She doesn't even deserve
him!' I could be toothless, have a peg leg and be your friggin' cousin and girls
would still hate me! Girls hate each other so much it isn't even funny! Even
some of my sisters hate me, and I've never even done anything to any of them
except go out with you!"
"Are you saying that's a problem?" Mina noticeably flinched at his chilling
tone. She sighed and started over.
"No, what I'm saying is that it's different for you. Guys aren't
psycho-jealous like girls are. They see us together and just think that you're
incredibly lucky; they don't wish death upon you like some of the crazy double
X's around here." She was getting somewhere, she could tell, just by the way his
posture relaxed. "Oh, and take a look at Raye. Crazy Kristen wants to literally
kill her, well, she wants to kill the both of us, but I mean, Raye's never done
anything to her besides attract the majority of the attention that Kristen thinks
she should get from guys!" She sidled up to him and turned on the charm like a
faucet: all blazing smile and flirtatious tone. "Please don't get upset over this,
if I knew this would come between us I would have never done it." << HA! This
will work! He always caves when I get all apologetic. >>
"Sure," he replied, complete with ceiling-glance. << Oh yes I knew it! He's
not mad anymore! And he didn't even suspect that I used his razor! >>

* * * * * * * * * * *

"Oh, there's your head!" Amy said, pointing. Matt's head bobbed along
the bottom of the television.
"Yeah, that's me. I think I get up, like, four more times to go to the
bathroom, too."
"Try eight, Matt, you were pissing like a little bitch." Jay dodged the
empty beer can flung at him. Zach pried himself from the floor.
"Anyone want anything while I'm up?"
Darien shook his can. "Yeah, another Sprite."
"Could you get me a napkin?" Lita crumpled her last used one.
"How 'bout bringing me the ketchup?"
"Zach? Could you get me a fork?"
"Find my lighter, would you?"
Zach sighed as he fanned away the invisible pot cloud in the kitchen.
"I was expecting more like a communal 'No, Zach, why don't you take it easy?'
but I'm a fool to even think...hey we got messages." He punched the button on
the answering machine with a greasy finger.
"Who is it?"
"I don't know Jay, can I play it first? Who do I look like, Miss Cleo?"
The first message rolled out.
"Zachary, this is your grandmother-" Zach punched the fast forward button
quicker than a rattlesnake strikes.
"OK, that's enough of that!"
"Oh I don't think so!" Matt leapt up and ran into the kitchen. He
effortlessly checked Zach against the sink and pounded on the small black box.
The message resumed while Matt and Zach scuffled back and forth.
"I want you to call me back when you get home from your game to make sure
you're all right-"
"You dick, let go of me!"
"-and I want to make sure you're not drinking with those friends of yours! I
may be old but I'm far from stupit-"
Darien painfully stifled his laughter.
"-you're not old enuff, you know this! You should be studying, not
killing your brain with that poison-"
It went on for another five, fully agonizing minutes, the last three of them
agonizing over Zach's health, grades, emotional well-being and nutritional
intake. Finally, Nana ended with, "-and we have to talk about...family
izzues...so I'll expect to hear from you tonight. Goodbye."
Zach had taken the entire episode with a healthy dose of good nature,
but Nana's last sentence made his face pale. Raye stopped the verbal jab she
was about to make before it even hit the front of her throat. Only Jay opened
his mouth.
"Damn, I'm glad my apron strings are cut," he muttered. The machine
beeped and a new message started.
"Jason, this is your mother-" That was all it took for everyone to
explode into laughter.
"-it's been eight and a half years now and that dog of yours is still
chewing up my table legs! You promised to take care of it when you were home
and I don't see-"
"Please cut through this. I'm sick of my mother bitching about Ripken."
Matt hit the skip button. "If this is my mother now, I'm going to tweak."
Mrs. Haberman on the other end would have gladly been welcomed over the
voice that came through. A soft laugh, and then...
"Greetings, Generals." Amy gasped and clapped both hands over her mouth.
Lita dropped her full beer can and let it chug out onto the carpet. Darien
felt his entire esophagus from stomach to mouth squeeze together until his
breathing felt tight and restricted. Matt had a strange look on his face.
"Who is that?"
Raye sputtered. "What do you mean, who is that? It's Beryl, you tool!"
"What?" His jaw dropped. "You're kidding! How did she get our number?"
"The Negaverse Yellow Pages? I don't know!"
Beryl's voice continued. "Or should I say, Jason Melman? Kevin Belles?
How about Zachary Straub? Matthew Haberman? What a surprise it should be for
you four to hear my voice, hmm? I'm afraid Sailor Mercury forgot one little
piece of evidence to bury."
Amy's eyes widened as color ran from her face. Serena put an arm around
her and squeezed.
"And it was so easy to find where you lived. All it took was one abysmally
stupid little girl who would do anything for Jedite...even give up her pathetic
little life."
Jay sat back, stunned. "Oh no. Kristen."
"I was very lucky to find someone so obsessed with you, Jason. I believe
that she could have made a very willing companion, judging by the way she gave
herself to Jedite.
But that's another manner, really. What I'm here for is a bit more...
personal." The screen on the TV changed; Kevin and his intoxicated karaoke cut
to two very familiar cats, huddled together and shivering against a black stone
wall.
"No fucking way!" Serena supplied the screamed declaration, rare in her
swearing-mode.
"No harm will come to them, for know at least. I've decided to be a
little generous, and I'm giving you until tomorrow by sundown to deliver Sailor
Moon's crystal, and no harm will come to them. After that, I really can't make
any promises.
Oh, and if you do decided that life is tolerable without your little
guardians, and you decide not to take me up on my offer, then you leave me
no choice but to systematically burn down every dormitory and apartment
building on your campus, while the occupants are asleep, and unfortunately
while all the exits are sealed." The screen flickered again, and the scene
switched to a beige brick building, six floors high, with toxic black smoke
pouring out of every crack and leak, including several shattered windows.
"As you can see, I've given myself a little head start, just a few minutes
ago."
"Oh," Amy breathed, fumbling in her purse for her Palm Pilot.
"That's Krieger Hall!" Serena squeaked, transfixed by the swirling red
and blue lights from the fire trucks that virtually screamed emergency. "She
burned down Krieger Hall! I have friends there!"
The voice on the answering machine continued. "And after I'm finished
razing the university, I'm moving on to-let me see-42 Crescent Court in
Seattle, Washington? Then 639 Spring Street and 1011 Brader Drive, both in
Junta California. And then 54-8729 N. Cape St. in San Francisco. Zachary, I
understand your grandmother lives alone."
Zach's fists tightened into hammers; but there was nothing in front of
him that he wanted to or physically could hurt.
"And Kevin, I understand you have two little sisters, and Jason, you
have two older ones. They would make perfect gifts for my minions."
Jay stood up, infuriated, veins popping out in his forehead in neck,
trembling with unspeakable rage. "Touch them and I'll kill you, bitch!" Everyone
had forgotten that Beryl couldn't really hear any of them, and they were
screaming at an inanimate object, which was quite literally unproductive.
"That is my offer, gentlemen, take it or leave it. And, given the
circumstances, I doubt that you'll leave it." The machine beeped.
"End of message," it said, it's mechanical voice almost as chilling as
the recording it carried.
No one moved a muscle; no one breathed an ounce. Finally Darien inhaled.
"Matt, go get them." Matt jumped up and ran into the hallway without protest.
Jay slid forward, hit STOP on the VCR, and quickly flipped to a local channel.
Matt focused for a second, and the door wavered and shimmered away,
giving him a backstage pass to the action inside. Or rather, the inaction. He
burst in without knocking.
Mina and Kevin jumped slightly at his unannounced intrusion. "Matt, could
you give us a second-"
"Not now, Mina. We need you guys in here." The urgency in his voice
compelled them to follow without argument.
Zach was on the phone in the kitchen. "Please, Nana, don't argue with
me, please! Just tell Uncle Abe you have to stay with him tonight because
your heat or hot water or WHATEVER is on the fritz. Make something up then,
he's not going to care! No, I'm dead serious, Nana..."
"What's going on?" Kevin demanded. Raye was flitting to every window
like a honeybee collecting pollen, slapping slips of paper on the panes of
glass and mumbling under her breath. Amy wiped tears from her eyes as she
typed frenetically into her computer. Matt's hand shook as he tried to light
his cigarette.
"This is." Darien punched the answering machine with a little too much
rage; the black box almost upended with the force of his stab.
Mina's heart almost fell to the pit of her stomach as the recorded threat
was repeated. "How did she find us?" She hadn't meant to bark like a field
general, and Amy's eyes teared up again.
"I--I don't understand it! I replaced your student files with deceased
student files, blocked access to your real student files, switched the DMV
files-"
"It's a non-issue anyway, Mina." Raye stopped her activity and turned to
face her friend. "They got them somehow, and now they know who half of us are.
It's time for damage control."
In a move that "totally uncharacteristic" wouldn't even begin to describe,
Mina stormed over and got right in Raye's face. "Well Raye, somewhere along
the line someone screwed up, and NOW the Dark Kingdom has Luna and Artemis,
and NOW our asses are in a sling. The ball's in their court now, and I would
like to know just exactly when and where we lost possession."
Raye gave it right back. "Who gives a fuck! What good is it to sit around
and bitch when two of our friends, our GUARDIANS, are in serious trouble and
we have a whole twenty four hours to draw up a plan of attack and save them?"
"They don't even want them, don't you see that! They could give two
shits about the Guardians; what they want it the goddamn crystal! And if we
go into the Dark Kingdom bare-assed, we're not coming out of there!"
Raye's mouth flopped open. "Are you suggesting that we stand around
and LET them kill Luna and Artemis? Because if that's what your saying, O
fearless leader, I'm not having any of it."
Serena's mind opened like an ancient cavern. << Fearless leader! I
know now! >>
"I'm not saying that, Raye. I'm saying they want to lure us in to
get the crystal-"
"So what if they get the crystal, Mina? So fucking what! If we stay
her and twiddle our thumbs and say, 'Oh well, we're keeping the crystal
safe, so everything's peachy keen,' they'll kill them! They'll kill their
families!" She pointed at the guys. "Why should we wait around and let them
ambush us?"