Mina had one thumb under the elastic of her pajama bottoms when the alarm on her cell phone blared, cutting through Dave Matthews and his band. Mina’s eyes flared open and she sat up suddenly, accidentally head-butting Kevin in the process. <> “Mina?” Kevin asked, startled. “What’s wrong?” “I-“ << What the hell am I going to say? >> At a complete loss for words or explanation, she scooted off the bed and stood up, leaving a very confused Kevin to observe her running around with no shirt on. She scrambled around the room looking for clothes, grabbing whatever top and bottom within reach, not knowing or not caring that her shirt was flapping open, giving Kevin a scene usually reserved for porn. She stopped, feeling the breeze on her bare chest, and realized how ridiculous she looked, jumping out of bed like a scared virgin- <> Her brain started running with a thousand different cover stories, ranging from simple, (“I have to go to the bathroom,”) to the absurd, (“I think I just broke my leg,”) and each one as improbable as the next. She threw off her shirt, <> pulled on a sweatshirt and proceeded to give the lamest excuse of her life, beating everything she had previously ever said to her parents, teachers, state police, etc. “R-Raye just paged me,” she stuttered, knowing simultaneously that she was blushing and could do nothing to stop it. “She’s, uh, a really brittle diabetic, and she needs her, um, her, um,” “Her?” Kevin prompted, internally quaking. <> Mina scanned Raye’s dresser, looking for anything that would vaguely resemble medical equipment. She swiped something quickly and held it up. “Her insulin pump!” she proclaimed with a grin, and then blanched when she realized what was in her hand: a diffuser. A 3 year old reading Hebrew could not have been more confused than Kevin was at that point. “Isn’t that something you blow your hair dry with?” he implied. <> Mina threw the diffuser over her shoulder, ready to admit defeat and try out Plan B, a.k.a., run out of the room at full speed, when angelic choirs sang and a ray of heavenly light shone down on the object that would undoubtedly save her sorry ass. She picked up a flat, yellow plastic case, containing inside two glass vials with “Med-tech Pharmaceuticals” stamped on the label, filled with clear liquid. Inside, hidden from his view, a pair of contacts floated innocuously in the saline solution. Someone, Mina didn’t know who, had left them in their room and had never bothered to retrieve them. Opening it, she faced Kevin. “Sorry, wrong thing. I have to give her her insulin,” she asserted, hoping that her luck would hold out and typical football player-induced dumbness would rub off on the normally intelligent Kevin. Her mental clock raced and she prayed that she would have enough time to make it to the Senshi before they were barbequed. <> Kevin was still a little suspicious, causing a chunk of panic to rise in her throat. (<>) Then, to her delight, he nodded. “Let me take it down; you’re hurt.” <> “No, that’s OK,” she said quickly. “I’ll do it, Raye’s expecting me.” “Mina.” She looked up, and stared directly into his stormy eyes. “I don’t want anything to happen to you, OK? Stay here, please, for my sake.” “But I-” It was so hard to gaze into those eyes and refuse him anything. She softened a little, knowing how confusing this must be to him. <> “Kevin, please, I have to do this.” She hopped on one foot, sticking the other through the leg of her jeans. “Raye is, uh, kind of embarrassed about her situation, and she doesn’t want that many people to know about it.” <> She looked up and smiled coyly, all the while thinking of all the minutes she had wasted trying to dupe him. “Besides, I want to make sure we come back. Alone.” Slowly, slower than a geriatric wheelchair race, he smiled back as he processed her innuendo. “You sure you’re all right?” She nodded, thinking about what a monster she was for tricking him this way. “All right. I’ll get the keys.” He stood up, pocketing his keys, and a picture on the wall caught his eye. “Mina,” he started. “Is that you with Fred Durst?” She stopped buttoning her fly long enough to glance over. “Yeah. That’s me.” “When did you meet him?” She paused, hating this part. In her mind, she thought she sounded obnoxious. “I was in two of their videos. I was a Durst girl,” she said nonchalantly, trying to sound like she landed on the TRL rotation every day. His mouth was open. “You’re kidding me.” She pulled her hair back and shrugged on a coat. “Can we talk about this later, please? Raye might collapse and die any second now.” Five minutes later, she was fidgeting in her seat and wondering why she had commissioned the only driver at Bryce who actually stopped at every stoplight. <> “What?” she said after she realized that he had asked her a question.“Oh, nothing, I was just wondering why Raye is embarrassed to be a diabetic.” “Well, um, she’s kinda worried that people would treat her different if they knew…” She trailed off, wondering if Kevin had seen Raye quaff down a box of Corn Pops in the past, thus annulling her cover story and screwing her, hardcore. Kevin coasted to a stop at the corner of Boris, Mina up and ready to just jump out of the car and start running at that point. People were sprinting by, some screaming, and all desperate to be as far away as possible. Kevin wondered if their place had gotten busted, but quickly changed his mind when he realized that they weren’t “Oh sh** here are the authority figures” running, but “I’m going to die” running. “Wonder what’s going on,” he said. There was no response in return but the slam of a car door. Mina was out and running towards his building. “What the hell?” he shouted, genuinely agitated. What the hell was she doing, running to the source of the panic instead of away from it. Did she have a death wish? He did something that Kevin Belles had never actually endeavored: he audibly growled. Throwing the car into park, he jumped out of the car and ran after her, not caring that the engine was left running. All that echoed in his head was that if Mina ever got to the source of the mayhem, she would be in mortal danger. She had disappeared in the crowd, but a girl with long blond hair adorned with a big, silly red bow and a short skirt was the only person heading towards his building, so he followed her. “Hey!” he shouted, but she didn’t even turn. Instead, she leapt onto a chain link fence and clawed over it in a blink of an eye, leaving an amazed Kevin trying to comprehend how someone could jump a fence that quickly with her particular choice of footwear. <> She had practically catapulted over it, like a gymnast, and the image of her hanging suspended in the air before she landed stuck in his head in rewind. He reached the fence a second later, taking more time to climb it, and the next thing he knew, he was falling. He landed heavily twelve feet down on concrete, and took a few seconds to recalibrate from the shock of the fall. <> he absently thought, shakily climbing to his feet and trying to block the general ache one gets when they land on their ass from twelve feet up. He quickly surveyed the alleyway, like a battle scene, and the scene in front of him hit like a sledgehammer. The blond girl he had been chasing, and several others occupied the alley between the two buildings. Upon closer examination, she appeared to be in some kind of uniform, and the inane reference that Kevin made in his head was that she was a “Sailor Cheerleader.” She was showing a lot of leg, that was for sure, as were four others, including another blond with the wackiest hairstyle he had seen outside of Ashbury and Haight. It looked like the two big, poufy buns on top of her head were puking streams of hair. There was a guy wearing a top hat and tails, with a white mask covering half his face. <> The rest of the odd bunch were all dressed in military uniforms, some charcoal gray, and the others a gray so light it was almost white. All except one had long hair. <> Mars almost had an aneurysm when Venus leaped over the fence. “What the hell are you doing here?” she demanded. “You’re injured, or have you forgotten that?” “But I thought-Oh my GOD!” she screamed, noticing for the first time that the alley contained not just a youma but also Jay, Matt, and Zach, also in uniforms, and with longer hair. “What’s going on?” Another voice said from behind her. She spun around, facing a very confused Kevin, looking strangely out of place among the fukus and Generals. Jadeite risked the wrath of Zoycite and screamed, “KEVIN! GET OUT OF HERE!” <> Kevin wondered. Venus was the first to see Jedite emerge from the shadows, slinking behind Kevin like a predatory cat. “LOOK OUT!” she screamed, knowing her warning would come to late the moment it passed her lips. A blast of energy hit Kevin from behind, erupting upon impact and knocking him facedown onto the concrete. He lay there, paralyzed, barely able to breathe from currents of energy still passing through his stunned body. He gasped once, trying to regain feeling in his legs. Hell broke loose. Venus, half-blinded by tears, launched a fierce attack with no other purpose than to peel off Jedite’s face. “LOVE-ME CHAIN!” she screamed, the golden chain reeling off her hand and slamming into Jedite, knocking him almost clean through the fence. “Good shot!” Mars called, lining up a shot at Nephlite’s head. “Flame Sniper!” Nephlite ducked, and the flaming arrow hit the youma instead, and it exploded into a million plastic pieces. The Senshi cheered, thinking that they had gained the upper hand. “Oak Evolution!” Jupiter merrily called, spraying the area with her deadly leaves. The Dark Lords leaped out of the way, subsequently abandoning their hostages. “Holy crap what’s going on?” Nephrite scrambled towards Tuxedo Mask, ineffectively trying to keep his newly grown hair out of his eyes. Zoicite raced around, dodging the balls of energy that Nephlite was throwing. “AAH! That one almost hit me!” He stopped short as a purple boomerang passed within inches of his chest. Jadeite stood in the middle of the battlefield, his arms stubbornly crossed. “OK, I must be having a flashback,” he announced, seemingly unaware of the lethal blasts of energy that shaved within inches of his being. “But I never even did acid, so one of you motherf***ers must have slipped it into my beer. Who was it?” He ignored the ice crystals that sailed over his head, not knowing or not caring that if they hit their intended mark, he would be short one skull. “This isn’t funny anymore, assholes, who fed me acid? I’m not f***ing around anymore. Tell me now and I promise I won’t beat the sh** out of you.” Kevin was still lying on the ground, trying to regain his motor control, when he felt a light but strong grip tugging on his arm. Summoning the last of the paltry energy supply his body contained, he lifted his head to see who his rescuer was. It was the same blond girl he had been chasing, except now he knew she was one of those superhero cheerleaders, and that the alley next to his building had been turned into an all-out battleground. “Can you stand?” she asked, all business, her eyes gleaming with concern. She had the same deep pools of blue as Mina. Mina… She might be in trouble, and here he was, getting his ass kicked by some weird bad-guy army. “Have you seen, a blond girl?” he choked out, painfully shoving one hand underneath him and lifting his body into a half push-up. “I lost her, and I-I think she might be in trouble.” She smiled, her eyes containing the wisdom of a thousand Galileo’s. “Yes, I saw her, and she’s out of danger,” she said. “Now let’s do the same for you.” She had lifted him halfway up before something heavy thudded on his back, and knocked the blond heroine away. Malachite was standing on his back, a purple boomerang clutched in his fist, which he held over Kevin’s neck like a machete. “You know what I want, Sailor Moon,” he growled. Sailor Moon gasped and clutched at her brooch, at the Silver Crystal. “Hand it over now or it’s lights out for Venus’s boy toy.” “Speaking of boy toys,” Mars spat. “BURNING MANDALA!” Zoycite squealed as the flaming rings singed his long, curly hair. “Malachite! That stupid little Sailor Brat almost scalped meee! Waste him!” Malachite raised the boomerang, intent on fulfilling his lover’s wishes, when, yet again, a silver cocoon that enveloped his hostage blinded him, the light too bright to look directly at. He leapt off his back, staggering backwards and shielding his eyes from the pocket of silver illumination. Nephrite started clapping, the sound muffled by his white gloves. Kevin’s hair shot down his shoulders, a silver curtain the same color as the radiance that surrounded him. The gray uniform was not far behind, but this one was equipped with a cape, which unrolled from his shoulders all the way to his feet. He couldn’t swallow or talk from the horrible pain in his neck, because a thousand years ago Kunzite’s throat had been cut, and he had bled to death in front of his three friends, the first one of them to die. He raised his eyes, and the blinders that prevented mortals from seeing the true identities of the Senshi fell away. Mina was there, she was one of them, as was Raye, and Lita, and Amy, and Serena was the one with the goofy pigtails. Darien was there, he was the guy in the nancy-boy tuxedo and Halloween mask, and there was Jay, standing amongst the carnage like he was immune to death or something. Matt seemed to be having trouble with his long hair, which defied all laws of physics since only three hours before, when he had last seen him, it didn’t even hit his ears. Same went for Zach, who seemed to have lost his glasses and gained hair all on the same token. Ah, speaking of… Kunzite reached up and touched his own long hair, squeezing the strands with his own fingertips, realizing that tangible matter had appeared from seemingly nowhere, and at the same time, the stubborn notch in his psyche disbelieved its very existence. He thought he stood there for an incredibly long time, seesawing through the mental benders he had created for himself, but in reality, he had less than five seconds of pondering before being knocked out of the deadly path of a swirling ball of energy. “Close one!” Mars shouted in his face, visibly agitated. “Jeez, you better get your ass moving before you lose it!” Jadeite still stood stationary in the middle of everything like an ass. “All right, new idea here. I’m dreaming; I must be motherf***ing dreaming. Someone wake me up. Ahora.” “I’ll give you dreaming,” Zoicite said tiredly. He darted out and grabbed Jade by his collar and hauled him to the sidelines, presumably to safety. Malachite noticed their mad scramble. He smiled, although the expression contained so much malice it could hardly be called a smile. Their entrance was impressive, but so far none of the newly formed Generals had done anything productive but dodge out of the way. He sheared his boomerangs out of the air, took careful aim, and launched them, one each catapulting towards Jadeite’s and Zoicite’s respective heads. Kunzite was still dazed, but not dazed enough that he missed something purple, sharp and glowing hurtling towards two of his friends. He unconsciously lifted his hand, although his arm felt as heavy as lead, and uncurled his fingers slowly, like they were underwater. “No,” he whispered, and something, something physical flurried down his arm and jumped invisibly out of his fingertips. He felt its weight leave his body. An energy dome, glowing faintly white in color, popped up and engulfed Jadeite and Zoicite within, like a tent, and Malachite’s boomerangs ricocheted off them with a loud, almost metallic clang. Zoicite’s jaw dropped open underneath, since only two seconds before he had been ready to make peace with Yahweh. “Oh,” Sailor Moon breathed, her eyes shining. “He can do it, too.” Venus smiled, and then laughed as she poured her yellow light out of her hands. “He can! Oh my gosh, he can do it, too!” Nephrite crunched his face up. “I could do that, I just don’t want to.” Kunzite dropped his hand to his side, and the dome vanished. The Dark Lords’ faces were masks of amazement and horror, and they drew back. “You’re not going anywhere!” Zoicite shouted, feeling the same presence in his own body rush down his arm and leap out, free. It came out in the form of gleaming ice crystals, three of them, whistling as they cut through the air. Nephlite and Zoycite dropped to their knees, and the shards passed over them and shattered against the brick wall like fine china. Jupiter whooped and sizzled the air with her electricity. “How does it feel now, you candy-ass!” she screamed at Zoycite, who looked as though he was going to vomit. “Sucks when you’re on the losing team, huh?” “I’ve never been on the losing team, Sailor Slut,” he said flippantly, gathering his shattered evil wits together. He levitated a few feet in the air and launched a heavier attack of his own: the ice crystals he threw were the size of railroad spikes. “NO!” Nephrite cried, launching something of his own. A white comet flew out of his hands, and the recoil threw him backward so hard he found himself airborne. The comet streaked through the air, leaving the smell of ozone, and nearly obliterated Jupiter as it wiped out the ice. She ran over where Nephrite had landed on the concrete. “Thank you,” she said, her eyes glittering. “Are you OK?” “I think I broke my coccyx,” was the painful reply. Jadeite was pissed. In this dream, every one of his friends had near-blasted their evil twins into bad-guy hell, and so far all he had done was jump around waving his arms and squawk warnings. He had to waste something, anything, just so Raye didn’t think he was the World’s Most Useless Man. “Yo, Nephrite,” he yelled, and was immediately surprised. <> Nephrite was almost as startled to respond to his name, as Jadeite was to say it. “How the hell did you do that?” “I don’t know, you just feel it,” Nephrite said, cranky after his spectacular air ballet left him with a goose egg forming on the back of his skull. “It comes out of your hands.” Jadeite extended both hands. Above his head, fire and lightening and a swirling yellow disk clashed with ice and black lightening and those damn purple boomerangs. He squinched his eyelids shut and tried to blank his mind. <> Venus heard Mars swear from fifteen feet away, despite the heavy, heavy background noise. “What is he doing?” Mercury asked, noticing Jadeite’s inactivity for the first time. “Being his own idiotic self,” Mars growled, mentally swearing to toast his ass herself if he kept up with the macho BS. “C’mon!” Jadeite muttered. So far, nothing had happened besides that his arms were getting heavy. He dropped them a little, and they just got heavier. <> He felt pressure build up in his fingertips, heavy to the point where he foolishly thought his fingers would crush under the pressure, and then it leapt out, spraying the air with curly white energy, like smoke. The tension flew out of his body as the smoke did, relaxing him to the point where he gracefully passed out. <> was his last conscious thought. Malachite and Jedite nearly got blasted by the white smoke that Jadeite released, but the escaped by levitating in the air. “You haven’t seen the last of us,” Malachite snarled, and along with the other three, vanished into thin air. “HEY! THAT’S IT?” Zoicite yelled to the empty air. “Come back, I have more ass kicking to do!” Tuxedo prodded Jadeite’s unconscious body, and looked up at Sailor Moon. “He’s all right, just out cold. Wonder what happened.” He felt someone touch his shoulder lightly, and he turned. Kunzite, his face paper-white, looked at that point more Kevin than anything else. “Darien?” he whispered. “Yes?” “It’s story time.”