Cycle of Our Souls: Heart of Ice
Part III
M is for Mars

Even More Breaking News from Disclaimer Land:
I continue to not own Sailor Moon. I know this comes as a shock to all of you, but it's true. Sorry to disappoint everyone. :)
Aha! I bet you thought I wouldn't have this out any time soon, didn't you? See, I'm just full of surprises!! (I can hear Lyle and my mom in the background saying, "Yeah she's full of something!" Shut up, you two! :P ) Anyway... it's just a few days (12/11-12/15/00) since my completion of Part II, and here I am with III!! I always write these notes before the section is finished, though, so for all I know I may not have it completely done until next December! No, I'm just kidding... I wouldn't wait that long!!
So I finally use the song in this section. It is, as I said before, by those adorable twins Evan and Jaron Lowenstein, and I would never try to steal their song. Actually, this particular song is by Evan. No infringement is intended. Sorry, boys. :) Oh, the song lyrics are in italics to help you out.
Let's get on with things... email if you like it... or even if you hate it.

Amy stared down at her comatose friend with a deep frown. The mysterious force that took Serena from them had struck nearly two months ago, and it seemed that they were no closer to finding a solution than they had been the night it happened, and Raye reported the frightening news that Serena's consciousness was slipping further and further away with each passing day.
But what could they do? Ideas had been discussed, suggestions ranging from the only slightly plausible to the downright absurd. Amy felt helpless, and she knew she wasn't alone. Each senshi, Darien and the three resurrected shitennou felt responsible for the girl, but none more so than the Senshi of Knowledge. It was her job to solve problems such as this, and she had thus far been completely ineffectual.
The blue-haired girl let out a long sigh and closed her eyes in an attempt to relax. She shifted to a more comfortable kneeling position, and just as she felt the tension in her shoulders begin to drain away, her meditation was interrupted by the sound of a rice paper screen being slid open.
Her eyelids popped open in irritation, but sharp words died in her throat at the sight of Zachary Sorenson kneeling across from her. It had been three days since their last -- and, in her opinion, disastrous -- meeting, and she hadn't seen or spoken to him since. He had left several messages on her answering machine, but she'd erased them, figuring that eventually he'd get over it and move on. Apparently she'd been wrong, and that knowledge threw her for more of a loop than his sudden appearance had done.
"What are you doing here?" she managed at last.
"Hello to you too. Good to see you're still among the living." He winced at the sharpness in his voice, but something about the look on her face just set him on edge. Why hadn't she returned any of his calls? Why was she looking at him like he was Public Enemy Number One? Had he really screwed up that badly?
"That isn't funny," she said icily, glancing down at Serena's prone form.
He followed her gaze and seemed to notice the girl for the first time. "What's wrong with her?" he asked softly, his irritation momentarily forgotten.
She shrugged restlessly. "Nothing physical. She's been like this for a couple of months now; we can't figure out how to bring her back." Somehow saying the words aloud gave them more meaning, more finality, and Amy felt her throat go raw.
"Gods, Amy, I'm sorry. Why isn't she in a hospital?"
"She belongs here, with us. We're the only ones who can help her."
It was a decidedly odd thing to say, but he only nodded. There was something different about Amy -- he'd always been able to sense it -- and he had felt something similar coming from the raven-haired miko he'd spoken to outside; the tiny blond laid out before him radiated the mysterious quality in great, shining waves. "What do her parents say about all of this?"
"They don't exactly know," she admitted reluctantly, a flush coming to her cheeks.
"Their daughter has been in a coma for two months and they don't know?"
She shifted uncomfortably and wouldn't mean his gaze. "Well… we kind of have them, er, convinced that she's in a sort of study abroad program. They think she's in England. Our friend Mina used to live there, so she's been sending letters we've forged in Serena's hand to a friend, and they've been sending them to her parents for us."He cocked a golden brow and studied her face carefully. "Why do I think there's more to this than you're telling me?"
At last she looked him straight in the eye. "Because there is. But I can't tell you, so don't ask."
A long silence followed until at last he said, "Would you walk with me?"
She glanced up at him with a frown, but his expression was innocent and serene, and she felt herself relax. "All right. I suppose a walk would be nice."
Raye was sweeping the first of autumn's leaves from the temple steps when they emerged. She shot Amy an encouraging grin before disappearing inside the small building, leaving the two alone with the sound of the small radio she had playing to help the work go faster.
"It's a beautiful day," Zachary remarked. Though the words sounded rather trite to him, they were certainly true: the sky above was blue perfection, and the afternoon sun turned the trees around them to molten gold. "I've never been up here before, but I remembered you saying something about your friend being a miko here. I thought she might be able to help me find you. Where've you been, Amy?"
The gentle question bruised her heart, and she turned away from his searching green eyes. "I've been around, just busy. I'm sorry I didn't call you back."
"I was wondering if you'd gotten my messages."
She bit her lip, glad he couldn't see her face, and caught a gingko leaf as it glided gently from the tree above. "Yes. I appreciate your concern, but it really was unfounded. I'm sorry to have worried you."
Her formality irked him. "Gods forbid I show concern for you, Amy," he snapped. "You run out of my apartment like a frightened rabbit, then I don't see or talk to you for three days. What was I to think?"
"You may think what you like, Zachary. I regret the way I acted the other day."
"When you ran or when you kissed me, Amy?" he demanded, turning her to face him. "I felt something with that kiss, and I know you did too, or else why would you have run away like that? I like you, Amy, a lot. I don't usually do things like that… kiss women without their express written permission, but sometimes when I'm around you I just lose my head. I didn't mean to scare you, and I still don't, but, damn it, you drive me crazy. Do you understand?" His voice had sunk to nearly a whisper, and the intensity in his emerald eyes left her shaking inside.She swallowed hard and scrambled frantically for a suitable reply. "I'm flattered, Zachary, truly I am," she managed at last, "but I'm afraid my feelings for you are purely platonic. I enjoy your company and conversation, and I hope we can continue to be friends in the capacity that we've always been."
The words stung like icy needles thrust into his skin, and he stepped away abruptly. "I see," he replied shortly. "If that's truly how you feel, Amy-san, then I suppose there's nothing more to say."
She watched the shutters come down over his expressive green eyes and her heart broke. She wanted to reach out to him, to touch his golden curls and kiss his gentle mouth and tell him that she was a fool, that she loved him, wanted him, needed him. But she couldn't.
An awkward silence took residence between them, and the music coming from Raye's radio sought to fill it. Amy's lips twisted at the irony of the words, and she met Zachary's eyes with the hope that he would hear in the song what she could never speak aloud.
"Once again I just can't get it straight,
Wondering if wandering is my fate.
Don't lose hope in me quite yet,
Because help must be on the way any day."
"I would like to be friends with you, Amy, but… I just don't know if a simple friendship is enough," he said quietly."From my head to my heart,
Can't seem to find a way.
They're so far apart.
It's not you,
It's not your fault.
You've got everything I could ever want,
And you've always understood my intentions were good.
We've been so close from the start,
But the furthest distance I've ever known is from my head to my heart."
"What are you saying, Zachary? That you're attracted to me? I'm attracted to you as well, you must realize that, but surely we're both mature enough to deal with such a simple matter as physical attraction," she replied, attempting to keep her voice cool and logical.
"I feel the distance standing here next to you.
Don't wanna keep you waiting,
But I've been waiting too.
Someday if I get there,
And you still want me too,
We can see it through."
"Nothing about this is simple; you know that as well as I do. You also know that there's a hell of a lot more to it than attraction. That I could handle. The fact of the matter is I think I'm falling in love with you."
"From my head to my heart,
Can't seem to find a way.
They're so far apart.
It's not you,
It's not your fault.
You've got everything I could ever want,
And you've always understood my intentions were good.
We've been so close from the start,
But the furthest distance I've ever known is from my head to my heart."
"I'm sorry, Zachary… I can't return your feelings. If you truly feel that we can't be friends, then I don't believe I can associate with you any longer. I appreciate your directness in this matter, but I'm not going to change my mind.""The furthest distance I've ever known is from my head to my heart."
He stared at her for a long time, stunned by how cold she seemed. "Well then," he murmured at last, "I suppose we really do have nothing more to say to one another. Good day, Amy-san." With a polite nod, he turned crisply and hurried away.
As she watched him go, Amy felt a tear trickle down her cheek. "Goodbye, Zachary," she whispered into the dying sunlight. "I'm sorry."
"From my head to my heart,
Can't seem to find a way.
They're so far apart.
It's not you,
It's not your fault.
You've got everything I could ever want,
And you've always understood my intentions were good.
We've been so close from the start,
But the furthest distance I've ever known is from my head to my heart.
The furthest distance I've ever known is from my head to my heart.
The furthest distance I've ever known is from my head to my heart."
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"So you mean Lord Zoisite hasn't asked you to the ball yet? What's his problem?!" Minako demanded of her friend as they sat around the lesson room surrounded by books.
"Nephrite says he's just shy," Makoto volunteered. "I wouldn't give him that much credit, though."
"What an ass!" Rei cried. "We've all been asked to the ball... even dumb Jadeite asked me this afternoon... so why hasn't Zoisite-san asked you?!"
"Endymion-san hasn't asked me yet," Serena said softly, silencing them all for a moment or two.
"It's different with him," Ami said at last, the blush clearing from her cheeks as she looked up to meet her friend's eyes. "There's something strange... Lord Zoisite mentioned something about a curse." The girls
gasped, except for Rei, who looked highly skeptical. "He said that horrible Earth woman, Beryl, has placed a curse of misfortune on any woman Endymion-sama would take as bride. I don't give it much credence before, but apparently it gives the Terran royal family the fidgets."
The blond princess frowned deeply, her normally bright, cheerful face turning thoughtful and subdued. "He mentioned none of this to me," she murmured.
"Perhaps he simply didn't want to worry you," Minako suggested.
"Or maybe he has no intention of making me his bride. Not that I've really thought of such things, of course," she assured her friends hastily. "But, I thought..."
"He loves you, Serena-chan," Makoto said gently. "I know he does. He just seems very shy to me. Nephrite says he's very devoted to his family and his planet. As much as he loves you, he doesn't want to do anything to endanger Earth... thus, he wants to make sure your mother is all right with everything before he makes his intentions known."
"My mother loves him!"
"You know that, we know that... but men are morons. They can't see what's right in front of their big, stupid eyes," Rei said with an unladylike snort.
"Bitter, Rei-chan?" Minako teased. "I thought you said Jadeite asked you to the ball. Doesn't that put you in a better mood?"
She scowled. "I suppose it should, except he did it in such a stupid manner. He cornered me at one of the fountains, kissed me half senseless, then took advantage of my flustered state by asking me then."
Minako let out a little sigh. "Sounds heavenly!"
"Humph. You didn't have to live through it!" She looked away quickly, but none missed the little, delighted smile that passed through her eyes at the memory.
Fighting back a giggle, Makoto turned back to the Mercurial. "So he's still only asked you for a dance?"
"A dance, yes. It's plenty, really! I'm not like the rest of you, constantly dreaming of romance. Lord Zoisite and I click on an intellectual level, and because of that we will always remain true friends. If he had asked me to the ball, it would have been awkward and strange, adding a new dimension to our relationship that neither of us wants." The other four girls shared knowing glances as Ami seemed suddenly very absorbed in the book in front of her.

Ami smoothed her pale blue and silver gown nervously before entering the ballroom. It was early yet, and none of the Earthlings were there, much less the senshi. Ami was glad of it, as it gave her time to get something cool to soothe her throat and, hopefully, her jitters as well. It felt like an entire host (Flock? School? Whatever.) of butterflies had taken residence inside her stomach.
The night's liquid refreshment consisted of something terribly pink and bubbly, but despite the atrocious color it was cold, crisp and dry. Downing one glass hastily, she accepted another from a passing waiter and went to search out an inconspicuous location from which to observe the ball without being obliged to accept any invitations to dance -- except from Lord Zoisite, of course.
The idea of dancing with him, being held in his arms so close to his warmth, made her cheeks go the same color as the drink in her hand.
"Well, well, Lady Ami, I do believe there is nothing lovelier than a pretty girl in a pretty gown with pretty pink cheeks!" a cheerful voice said, surprising her into nearly spilling her drink.
She glanced up quickly and found herself staring into the laughing blue eyes of Jadeite. Her blush deepening, she managed a small curtsy. "Lord Jadeite, you startled me! Where is Rei-chan?"
He grinned widely and shrugged as though the matter troubled him little. "Late, I suspect. What's new, ne? You seem to be the only one of Princess Serenity's lovely guardians who is able to be on time."
"Oh, they try, really they do! They're just very excited about this ball, that's all."
"Of course. I didn't mean to distress you. For that, I owe you a dance."
"A dance?!" She knew by now she must be nearly the color of Rei's fuku. "That surely isn't necessary, Lord Jadeite. You didn't distress me, as you put it, I just don't want you thinking ill of the other senshi."
He laughed, but then adopted a wounded air. "By refusing, it's you who have distressed me. And for that, you owe me a dance!"
Unable to refute his circular form of logic, she found herself laughing and accepting the hand he offered. "Don't you think Rei-chan will be upset with you?"
"No indeed. I believe, in fact, that she'll quite thank you for taking me off her hands. I'm afraid she's rather often vexed at me."
"Vexed?" Ami asked, cocking an eyebrow in amusement. "That's one way to put it. She's rather easy to vex, our Rei-chan, but only by those she cares about most."
"Then she must be utterly mad about me!"
"Do you doubt it for an instant, Lord Jadeite?"
The quiet seriousness of her tone gave him a moment's pause, and when it returned his smile was soft. "No more than you doubt the affections of Lord Zoisite, I'm sure. Speaking of vexing... he's a mad fool for asking you to merely save him a dance."
She opened her mouth to protest, but the music faded away before she could utter a word. "Ah, well, I'm afraid that's my cue," Jadeite said with a smile. "I believe I see Rei-chan with Nephrite over there; she'll need rescuing. It was a delight dancing with you, Lady Mercury. Perhaps we could again before the evening's over?"
With a shy smile and a nod, she said, "It would be my pleasure, Lord Jadeite." He bowed graciously and disappeared into the crowd, and a moment later the sound of someone clearing his throat behind her caused her to turn. It was Zoisite, and she felt her heart catch at how splendid he looked in his
silver and green uniform.
"Ami-chan," he murmured almost reverently, his green eyes glowing with something she couldn't quite identify. He cleared his throat again, though not with the purpose of getting her attention this time. "Ah, Ami-chan... you look beautiful."
She smiled sweetly, both at the endearment he added to the end of her name and at the compliment. "You look very nice yourself, Zoisite."
A silence followed, the type of silence that makes two people feel as though they're completely alone despite being surrounded by talking, laughing, jostling people. Ami stared up into his emerald eyes and he stared down into her indigo ones, and they both felt something stirring inside, something neither had ever felt, nor had ever expected to. Abruptly the connection was broken when someone knocked into Ami, pushing her into Zoisite's arms.
"Oh," she murmured softly, "Gomen… I didn't mean--""It's all right," he said with a smile, not releasing her even when the crowd eased around them. "I can't complain about having a beautiful girl fall into my arms, now can I?" He lowered his head to capture her mouth with his, but she pulled away abruptly.
Reading his intentions in his eyes, she panicked. "Let's go outside for a walk, shall we? I could use some air." She hurried away without waiting for his answer.
"Ami-chan!" he called, pushing his way through the crowd and finally catching up with her on the terrace. "Ami-chan, what's wrong?"
"Nothing!" she replied with forced brightness. "Come, I want to show you something." He followed quickly as he was still a bit unsure of his sense of direction here; the last thing he wanted to do was get lost. They walked side by side in companionable silence, each enjoying the cool night air and the company, though he couldn't help noticing how she refused to look at him even once. At last Ami stopped, and Zoisite gasped at the sight that met his eyes.
Spread out at his feet was the most beautiful lake he had ever seen. The water glowed with a silver radiance that made the surface as smooth and bright as a polished mirror, and in its depths the full, blue Earth could be seen as a cool reflection. "Wow," he managed at last.
Ami laughed, fully at ease for the first time all evening. "Indeed. This lake is a very popular spot during the day, but at night it's nearly deserted. I like to come here a lot, especially when the Earth is full. Isn't it glorious?"
"Breathtaking. Thank you for showing me this, Ami-chan... it's like I'm seeing a piece of your soul."
She considered these words for a moment before saying, "What do you see, Zoi-chan?"
He glanced down at her, surprised by the endearment and shortening of his name. With a shake of his head he glanced back out over the water and turned his mind to her quiet, thoughtful question. "The obvious, of course: the water that you love so very much, my little sprite, your element and a symbol of your home planet. But there's more. It's silver, like the Moon, but it also reflects an image of Earth. All three of your... ties, I suppose. So which draws you the most?"
"I don't know," she replied honestly. "I miss my home, but at the same time I know that the Moon is my home now."
"And what of Earth?" he asked quietly.
"Earth is... Earth is complicated."
"Mmmm. Indeed. It's also the home of the man who loves you."
He said it so easily, so casually, that she wasn't sure she'd heard him correctly. "Excuse me?" she demanded blankly.
"You heard me, Ami-chan, and you can't say it's a surprise. I love you, and I spend every night and every day praying to every God I can think of that you will somehow, by some miracle, return even the tiniest portion of that love."
She took a deep, calming breath. He loved her? How could that be possible? He was so intelligent and witty and beautiful... how could he love someone as little and young and silly as she? "Lord Zoisite," she began hesitantly.
"Oh, Ami-chan, please don't!" he cried desperately, turning and taking her hands in his. "Don't 'Lord Zoisite' me like we're strangers, like you don't know me from any other man you might meet on the street. I have a gift for you." He pulled something from his pocket but kept it concealed in the palm of his hand. "I had it made on a whim, a foolish hope from a foolish man, but I couldn't resist. I had thoughts of giving it to you as a sign of my friendship and affection and fondness." He said the three words bitterly. "But then I realized you'd simply see right through me, and that I had no choice but to tell you the truth about how I feel. Will you have me, Ami-chan?" he whispered, holding out the ring for her to see.
She let out a little gasp and took it from him, studying it closely. Instinct told her that it was carved from a single sapphire, the entire band of it, and inscribed along the inside curve, in a clever mixture of the languages of Earth and the Moon, were the words Check Mate. "It's gorgeous, Zoisite," she murmured at last, "but I can't in good conscious accept it. I don't return your feelings for me. I'm sorry."
He stared down at her, stunned, as she offered the ring back to him. "Ami-chan, don't do this."
"Don't do what? Be honest with you?" she demanded, anger edging her normally mild, sweet voice.
"You aren't being honest with either of us, Ami-chan, and you know it. I love you, damn it, and I believe that you love me."
"As a friend," she insisted, "nothing more." She opened his palm and pressed the ring into it. "Thank you for the lovely gift, Lord Zoisite, but I simply wouldn't feel right taking it as it would misrepresent my feelings for you. Please speak no more of this matter, because I do hope that we can continue to be friends as we have always been."
Mouth agape, he watched as she turned and walked away from him without a backwards glance. "Cold as ice," he murmured, shivering. "How can you be so cold, my sweet Ami-chan?" He let out a long sigh and shook his head sadly. "I suppose I'll simply have to be patient and let my love for you melt your heart." He hoped it would be possible, for he didn't feel he could live his life without Ami in it.
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End III