Cycle of Our Souls: Heart of Ice
Part IV
M is for Mars

Notes 'n' such:
I think you people get by now that I don't own Sailor Moon, so I won't mention it this time.
Wowee, I've all of a sudden entered a Heart of Ice writing frenzy. I just finished Part III yesterday (12/19/00), and here's Part IV. Of course, I start off great and end up slowing down, so we'll see how long it takes me to finish it.
It's funny, because the reason I've been putting off writing Heart of Ice is because I've had no idea how to resolve the whole Serena situation. I have no intention of killing her, as my friend Vanessa worried, but I couldn't think of how I was going to get her better, or what was even really wrong with her. I came up with a few rather silly ideas last week, and finally just started writing. Over the course of doing parts II-IV, I've just had ideas coming to me right and left. I guess that's what happens when you just make up your mind to get something done. :) I would really, really, really like to have Cycle of Our Souls complete before winter break is over. ::crossing fingers::
I find myself stuck in Silver Millennium mode when trying to write this part. I don't know yet if I'll be able to fit a flashback section in this time, since I just had a nice long one and once I start it'll be way long... and, of course, I'm sure some of you are actually interested in what's going on with Amy and Zachary!! Speaking of, I hope I don't get flames from you Amy fans out there in regards to how she acted towards him (and towards Zoisite, for that matter) in the last section. The title is, after all, heart of ice. It wouldn't do to have her acting all warm and cuddly... and we all know how petrified of romance Amy is. :)
Enough rambling (Isn't that kind of a contradiction in terms? Isn't the point of rambling that there is never enough?). Um. Anyway. On with the story!

The phone's insistent ringing woke her from her lovely, silver-tinged dream, and she answered without thinking, without considering the possibility that it might be Zachary until she already had the receiver in her hand. "Moshi moshi," she murmured in a ragged, sleep-filled voice, praying it wasn't he on the other end.
"Amy, it's Darien. Did I wake you? Of course I did; it's after three. I'm sorry, I know you have school tomorrow, but I had to call you."
His voice sounded strangely excited, more alive than it had since Serena was taken from them, and Amy was instantly awake and alert. "It's fine, Darien. Tomorrow's Sunday, don't you remember?"
"Sunday, of course. I forgot. Listen, I think I might know how to help Serena. Do you think we could all meet at the temple in an hour?"
"I can contact the girls with my communicator. What's up, Darien?"
"Good. I'll call the guys, as it concerns them as well. I'll tell you all about it at the temple, ok? Just make sure everyone's there." There was a click as he disconnected, leaving her to stare stupidly at the phone in her hand until the obnoxious bleating of the busy signal roused her enough to hang up.
"Well... I suppose it's never too early to pray," she muttered to herself, yanking open her nightstand drawer and hitting the all call button on her communicator.

"Gods be good... there should be some law against getting up this early, don't you think?" Mina said, making no effort to stifle a huge, jaw-popping yawn.
"Absolutely," Lita agreed, tying her wavy brown hair up in its usual ponytail. "I think evil should only occur between the hours of nine and five. Otherwise it's just unfair... cruel and unusual punishment and all that."
"Since when has evil confined itself to the rules of fairness?" Jay Dalinger, Raye's boyfriend, asked as he sipped the tea the miko had made.
"What's got Darien all fired up, anyway? He wouldn't tell me a damn thing," Malachy Levinworth complained as he stepped into the circle and offered Mina a warm kiss. "I was right in the middle of something, too."
"At three in the morning?" Neil Forrester demanded. "Lita's right: it should be criminal. I look at the stars for a living, yet I manage to be asleep at three in the morning!" He collapsed dramatically onto a nearby futon and closed his eyes.
"Complain, complain, complain," a new voice said. "What's the matter with all of you? This about Serena, remember?" Those already present shared a series of sheepish glances as Amy and Darien joined them in the temple's main room. The small blue-haired girl glared at each in turn before accepting a teacup from Raye and knocking Neil's feet off the futon so she could sit.
"Amy's right, though I don't blame any of you for being grumpy. I trust you all know I wouldn't have dragged you from your beds at this hour if it wasn't important," Darien said quietly, his blue eyes glowing with compassion as he smiled at his friends.
"It's all right, Darien," Luna spoke up. "We're just all wondering what you've discovered. Have you figured out a way to help Serena?"
"At this point merely knowing what's wrong with her would be some comfort," Artemis mumbled.
"We know what's wrong, Artemis, just not what caused it," Raye corrected quietly. She was busy running back and forth from the kitchen, making coffee and tea for everyone, as well as digging up some cookies to boost morale.
"I think I might be able to answer both Luna and Raye's questions," Darien announced with a smile. "I had a dream, you see."
"A dream?" Neil asked skeptically.
"Don't doubt the power of dreams. If not for them, none of us would have remembered meeting all of you during the Silver Millennium," Lita told him with an elbow to his stomach.
"Go on, Darien," Amy said softly.
"I dreamt of those last days of the Silver Millennium, of all of us on the Moon." He smiled briefly, a sad, wistful expression that broke their hearts, but abruptly the expression changed to a deep frown of pain and regret. "I also dreamt of Earth just after our return from the Moon. I dreamt of Beryl and my parents... Gods, it was terrible."
Raye rested a gentle hand on his arm, her pretty face full of compassion. "We all remember the final battle of the Moon, and if what happened on Earth was anything like that..." She trailed off with a shake of her head, and he smiled weakly.
He moved his hand to cover hers and said, "The dream was trying to tell me something, minna. In it, I saw the ten of us together -- Princess Serenity and Prince Endymion, Sailor Mars and Jadeite, Sailor Venus and Malachite, Sailor Jupiter and Nephrite, and Sailor Mercury and Zoisite. Beryl appeared and ripped us apart, the men with her, the women opposing... but then she was gone, and gradually the two groups began to drift together again."
"So you're saying the relationships must be restored? All of us as couples, like we were back then?" Lita asked with a frown.
"Isn't that what we said all along? I mean, way back when this happened, didn't we decide we needed to find the other two generals in order to help Serena?" Artemis demanded, not forgetting that it had been his notion in the first place.
"But why? The senshi and the generals were together back then, yet Beryl managed to brainwash them into joining her and destroy the Silver Millennium and Golden Kingdom. Why would bringing us all back together again be the key to helping Serena when it didn't help anything the first time?" Mina wanted to know.
"Maybe we weren't all together the first time," Raye suggested.
"But I distinctly remember--"
"Your experience," the miko interrupted gently. "As I remember mine with Jadeite and Lita hers with Nephrite. The six of us were together, but..." She glanced at Amy, who was doing her damnedest to disappear into the futon. "But we don't know about Sailor Mercury and Zoisite, now do we?"
Gradually nine pairs of eyes -- two sets feline and unblinking -- turned to stare at the blue-haired girl. "Nani!?" she demanded desperately. "I haven't had the dreams!" she lied. "I don't know anything about what happened back then, and I haven't met anyone who could possibly be Zoisite." It wasn't true, of course, but she absolutely refused to believe what the more logical part of her mind was telling her: Zachary Sorenson could not be Zoisite, no way, no how.
"Amy--" Darien began gently.
"Nai!" she cried, jumping up from the futon and startling them all. "I will not be manipulated. I want to help Serena as much as you do, but my life is my life. You're wrong about this, Darien: the eight of us being couples has nothing at all to do with what's happened to Serena. I'm going home." And, before any of them could get over their surprise and utter a word of protest, she was gone.

There was no point in trying to go back to sleep, Amy knew that well enough. It was nearly five in the morning, dawn had yet to lighten the sky, and she was as wide-awake as she had ever been. She walked quickly, her steps fueled by her fury and other emotions she refused to accept. Anger was easy, though; anger could be dealt with and used as a defense. Any of the other feelings swirling through her did nothing but weaken, and the last thing she could afford to be was weak.
She refused, utterly and completely refused, to be pushed into a relationship with Zachary Sorenson just because he might be Zoisite. The Zoisite she remembered most clearly was her enemy, a man she had loathed with all her being, a man who had been in love with someone else.
Now you're just making excuses, Amy, that annoying little voice whispered. Malachy claimed to love no one but Mina, and Amy believed him... but where was the guarantee that Zoisite would feel the same way? She let out a frustrated sigh and sent a rock skittering across the sidewalk. These same doubts must have plagued Mina and Lita, too, over Nephrite's feelings for Molly, and yet they had overcome them, had somehow learned to have enough confidence in their partners that they didn't have to worry about anyone coming between them.
Amy wondered if she'd ever have that much confidence in anything. Zachary was a good man, smart and funny and beautiful, and she just couldn't get over the idea that his supposed love for her was merely a brief infatuation. Surely he would realize how totally unworthy of him she was, and then he would drop her flat on her butt. It wasn't something she wanted to deal with, so she cut him off at the pass, ruthlessly stamping down her own feelings in an attempt to appear cold and impenetrable.
The memory of her latest Silver Millennium dream surfaced despite her best efforts to keep it away. Her past self had done the same thing to Zoisite... and perhaps that is what caused Serena to suffer now. But no! If there were some sort of curse, wouldn't it have taken effect immediately upon Raye and Jay meeting and falling in love?
Unless... damn it! What was the point in worrying about some stupid, ancient curse? She, Amy Anderson, had no way of knowing its rules and stipulations, and she certainly wasn't going to figure them out any time soon. Besides, she didn't believe in curses. Nor did she believe in fate... and so therefore it was not her fate to end up with Zoisite. She could be with anyone she pleased, no matter what her past self had chosen... or not chosen, as the case had actually been.
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And so I continued trying to convince myself of what seemed the most convenient. Love isn't easy, no one ever said it would be, and I in my innocence assumed that it should be. I loved him, of course, loved him as I had never thought myself capable of loving, but just as I had done so many years before, I denied that love and pushed it away. I thought I was doing right. I thought I was doing the easiest thing because I didn't understand that it was supposed to be scary and painful and life altering. I wanted a gentle, easy slide: what I got was an all-out assault.
But lessons like that only come with time and experience. Gods, who knew I could be so full of clichés? Among other things...
Of course, none of us had time, least of all Serena. My selfishness and cowardice was killing my dearest friend and I couldn't open my eyes long enough to even see that much. I don't know if it would've done any good if I could have; I simply wouldn't allow myself to conform to what I saw as my obligation.
It's a terrible thing when a bright, healthy young girl sees being with the man she loves as an obligation. No one ever said I had any sense, now did they? Thank the Gods for clearer thinking minds than mine.
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"Shimatta! Can't a body get a moment's sleep around here without someone banging on the door or calling on the phone?!" Amy snarled, blinking at the glowing red numbers on her clock: nine-thirty. She'd been sleeping for the last two hours, and it hadn't been nearly enough, and now what sounded like a battering ram against her front door had woken her. Dragging herself out of bed with a long-suffering sigh, she put on a robe and went to answer it. "Will you wait a minute?" she cried over the din. "I'm coming!"
She opened the door and would've slammed it shut again just as quickly if the man standing there hadn't inserted his booted foot into the gap. "I can't let you go. I won't let you go," he said, his green eyes steady and unnerving as they stared into her befuddled, angry blue ones.
"Zachary, please, I thought I made it clear--"
"You made nothing clear, Amy, except that you refuse to acknowledge your feelings for me. Don't do this, don't turn away! I know you love me, and I love you... and I won't... I won't let you put this off until it's too late."
"Too late? What does that mean?" she demanded sharply.
"I don't know, I just have a feeling... Amy, this is meant to be, you and me! Don't you sense it too? I only met you a few days ago, but I feel like I've known you forever. I had dreams about you before we met, have I ever told you that? That's why I was so surprised the night you appeared on my doorstep. Amy, I need you, it makes my head spin how much. You can't tell me you feel nothing."
"I--" she began, only to have her words cut off by his kiss, urgent and demanding.
When it broke, he slipped something into her hand with a smile. "I had this made for you, Amy. It's carved from a single sapphire, but I can't tell you what it says inside because I don't know. I saw that in a dream, too. Isn't it a trip? Before I met you I never paid attention to my dreams, never saw them as anything other than tricks of the mind. You've proved me wrong, Amy, because you're the one I've dreamed of forever, the only one I've ever wanted."
She stared down at the little blue ring and ignored the tears that blurred her vision. The world was reduced to the contents of her palm. It was more than a ring, of course: it was an affirmation. Zachary Sorenson was Zoisite reborn, and all the denials she'd made to herself since first setting eyes on him crumbled into dust. "Oh Gods," she whispered, stunned.
"Is that a good 'Oh Gods' or a bad one?" he asked, not understanding the fear and pain that suddenly swept over her pretty features.
She couldn't hear him over the roaring in her ears. It was too much... too much all at once... she just wasn't built to handle such things, and so she did the only thing she could think to do.
Amy slammed the door in Zachary's stunned face and ran through the apartment, back to her room and the warm safety of her bed.
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"What do you mean we're leaving now?! What about--"
"I know we all have... interests here, Zoi-kun, but we have no choice," Malachite interrupted the younger man. "I don't like the idea of leaving any more than you do, but Earth needs us. Our first responsibility is there, after all."
"What of our negotiations with the Moon?" Jadeite wanted to know.
"Queen Serenity understands the urgency. Beryl is burning her way east towards Elision. We have no choice but to return; she must be stopped before she reaches the capital."
"And what of Endymion-sama?" Zoisite asked. "What does he think of all of this?" Leaving?! That wouldn't do at all!! How would he have time to convince Ami... but no, maybe it was for the best. Perhaps in his absence she would realize how much she loved him. Suddenly he grinned. "I guess he agrees, ne? If Beryl is truly causing as much trouble as you say, Mal-sama, then I suppose we must go."
The other three stared at him in surprise. "Did things not go well with your Lady Ami last night, Zoi-kun?" Jadeite asked. "When I danced with her, she seemed very taken with you... though I can't for the life of me imagine why."
"I don't wish to discuss Lady Ami," he said icily. "What went on between she and I last night is none of your concern."
"Calm down, Zoi-kun; Jade didn't mean any harm by it. And I agree with you: the sooner we go, the sooner we can return, right?!" Nephrite asked with an uncharacteristic grin for his colleague.
"I suppose you're right, Neph... but that doesn't make the leaving any easier. Rei-chan'll have my head," Jadeite groaned.
"Now that I'll have to see," Malachite said with a smile. "But, regardless of how difficult it will be to leave the senshi, leave we must... and today. Be ready to depart in an hour."

Zoisite had toyed with the idea of going to see Ami, but in the end had settled for writing her a note explaining the situation. He'd slipped it under her door, adding the ring he'd presented her with last night despite what better judgment advised. "To Tartarus with better judgment," he muttered on his way back down the hall.
He turned a corner, still brooding, and was nearly bowled over by the prince. "Oh! Endymion-sama, forgive me!" he said quickly.
"No worries, Zoi-kun. Are you all right?" he asked, steadying the young general with a hand on his arm.
"Yes, fine... I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
"Neither was I, truth be told," Endymion said with a rueful grimace. "That seems to be a common thread among us Earthlings these days."
"They say, if I may be so bold, that love does that to a man," Zoisite offered hesitantly.
The dark-haired man threw back his head and laugh. "Truly told, my friend. I hear it's Princess Ami who has you befuddled. Is all well?"
"No," he answered shortly before he could stop himself. Then, mouth agape with horror, he looked up at his prince. "Forgive me. You surely have no patience with my problems, all things considered. How fairs Princess Serenity?"
"You mean how goes our relationship?" he asked bluntly.
"I would never presume--"
"Don't worry, Zoi-kun... you're perhaps the only one of the four I could trust with such things. Malachite is worried over Beryl, Nephrite would simply mutter something about the stars, and Jadeite is so damn flippant sometimes... though he does mean well." He let out a long sigh and ran his hand through short, disheveled black hair. "I love her, Zoisite. I can't help it... she just draws me. I don't believe I'll ever love anyone as I love her. And yet I know she can't be mine."
The frank admission startled him, and he struggled to find an appropriate reply. "Surely it would be good for relationships between our two planets if you were to wed."
"Aye, until Beryl got a hold of her. Then what would we do?"
"Isn't the reason we're leaving to take care of Beryl?"
The prince shrugged restlessly and paced away. "I mean the prophecy."
"The curse?!" he demanded, shocked. Surely the prince didn't put any stock in the jealous raving of a mad woman!
He frowned. "Curse? That's what it's been reduced to? No, my friend, this is no curse... it's a prophecy, well and true. It says that any alliance made between the Earth and the Moon will result in disaster. At least, that's the short of it."
Zoisite answered Endymion's frown with one of his own. "Do you know the exact wording? This type of thing generally has some sort of loophole, you know."
"Mmmm," he murmured, thinking. "It goes something like... 'When love unites the Earth to the Moon with bonds of eternity, the Moon's light will flicker and dim unless the light of their love times five can rekindle the glow and complete the cycle' or some such nonsense. It doesn't make much sense, does it?"
"Times five? Two times five is ten."
"As I remember well from arithmetic class as a child. Your point is?"
Zoisite made an impatient gesture and tugged at a curl that had come loose from its ponytail. "There are four of them and four of us, making eight... plus the two of you is ten. Perhaps that's what the prophecy means."
"So if the four of you marry the four senshi, then it's all right for me to marry Serenity?" he asked, a current of skepticism flowing through his voice.
"I... I don't know," he said, suddenly unsure of himself. "Perhaps. That, of course, means that the four of them would have to be in love with the four of us."
"And you're having problems in that area?" he guessed.
"I should go talk to her. Maybe if she knew--"
"Zoisite, I admit I'm no expert in the area, but I don't think telling a woman that she must marry you simply to fulfill an ancient prophecy is exactly the way to sweep her off her feet."
"What else am I to do? I told her I love her, and she turned away from me. She said she wanted to be friends," he cried.
"Itai," the prince agreed with a sympathetic wince. "All I can say is wait. We're leaving for Earth in a bit; absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say."
He smiled ruefully. "That's what I was thinking. It's desperate, I know, but it's my only hope at this point."
Endymion grinned and threw an arm around the smaller man's shoulders. "Mine as well, Zoi-kun, so let's hope it works!"
Zoisite managed a sickly grin and allowed the prince to lead him away.

This is pleasant, Zoisite thought sarcastically, peering around the small, dank space he suddenly found himself in. He remembered the teleport, the brief conversation among the generals, and then the sudden appearance of that hideous woman. The woman, he knew, had been Beryl... but how had he gone from there to here? She had asked them to join her, and all had very rightly refused... had she sent him to some sort of holding cell until he changed his mind?
"Stupid woman!" he cried aloud. "I'll never betray Endymion-sama. He's not only my liege, but my friend as well."
A laugh rippled through the air. "Do you think that bothers us?" a taunting voice said. "We have no need of you. Your brothers-in-arms have already turned to our side; you're superfluous at this point."
"What are you talking about? The others wouldn't betray him, either!" He ignored the rest of it, the idea that he wasn't needed.
"Wouldn't they? Look here, little one." A picture flickered to life on the wall in front of him, and he watched as Malachite, Nephrite and Jadeite all kneeled before Beryl. "You see? We have three. Why do we need four?"
The scene changed, became one of Ami and the other senshi. "He actually thought I loved him! Can you believe that? Why would I love him of all people!?" she asked her friends with a cruel laugh. "He's just such a fool!"
"Nai! Ami-chan... this can't be real! She would never say such mean things."
"Wouldn't she? She broke your heart last night, Zoisite. Don't you think there's a reason for it? She betrayed you, and so have the other three. I'll never betray you, Zoisite, and neither will Empress Metallia." The voice became low, seductive, and it sickened him.
"I thought you said you had no need of me," he managed to choke out.
"We do not. It was merely an offer. You're useless, Zoisite; an after thought. The princess Ami only looked to you because her fellow senshi had snatched up the other three, just as we now have."
"That's not true!" he cried, but he doubted the words even as they tumbled from his lips. She had turned away from him, crushed him. The others had turned to Beryl... what if...? No! "I'll never join you! NEVER!"
The laugh came again, this time calm and confident. "You just keep repeating that, little one: maybe one day you'll believe it."

Ami hated fighting, always had and always would. She hated the pain and the blood and... and... everything. Why in the world would anyone actually volunteer to be a soldier? It made no sense to her; she only did it because it was her duty, and because she truly loved the Silver Millennium and the ideas it represented.
Now she found herself right in the middle of the biggest battle she had ever seen. Instead of mortals, youma were their enemy, and somehow that made it easier. A monster was a monster, a creature created to do nothing but kill and terrorize. She froze another one in a block of ice and tried to ignore the thrill of satisfaction that accompanied the action.
Just as she turned away from the frozen youma, a cry rose among the enemy and they fell back. Confusion creased her brow and she hurried to join her fellow senshi. "Why did they just stop like that? Have we won?" she demanded, shocked that it had been so easy... relatively speaking, of course.
"I don't think so," Makoto whispered, pointing, "look!"
Ami followed her friend's arm and felt her mind go numb at the sight that met her eyes. It was the shitennou, only their uniforms were wrong: instead of glowing silver, they were a dull, lifeless gray. Their faces were blank, displaying no emotions other than cruelty, and Zoisite's green eyes glowed with malevolent glee as Malachite announced their intention to destroy the senshi in the name of the Negaverse.
"Gods, no," she murmured. "Zoisite, what is this?"
"It's fate, my little senshi. Don't you understand? Beryl offered more than anyone, so we're hers now, hers and Empress Metallia's."
"Then I guess I have no choice." She sent a freezing blast in his direction, but he dodged it and shot a vicious-looking ice shard at her. It entered just below the ribs, and she fell back with a grunt.
"I'm surprised at you, Sailor Mercury. I would have thought a senshi of Princess Serenity's guard would be stronger." He stepped forward and grabbed the shard, pulling it from her body only to plunge it in again.
She grabbed his hands, twisting them so that the frozen blade pointed towards him. "I'm stronger than you think, Zoisite," she hissed, shoving it into his chest with all her might.
He fell, taking her with him, and as the evil began to clear from his eyes he caught sight of something shining through the blood that covered her hand. "You're wearing it. You're wearing the ring," he managed.
"Hai. You left it for me... since then I've always worn it. I've always loved you. I'm just sorry..." Her voice faltered as death closed in. "I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it."
He smiled suddenly, a smile tinged with bitterness at life's ironies. "The cycle is complete... but too late," he whispered. She didn't respond, and he realized that she was already dead... everyone was already dead. With one last sigh, Zoisite joined them.
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End IV