Cycle of Our Souls: Heart's Fire
Part I
M is for Mars

Disclaimers and the like:
Hey, guess what? I don't own Sailor Moon!! Surprised as hell, aren't ya?!?! As we all know, Sailor Moon is owned by Naoko Takeuchi/Kodansha, TOEI Animation. I'm not intending to steal anything, and I'm definitely not making money from this, so please... don't sue me.
Anyway, this is my first attempt at writing Sailor Moon fanfic, and so it may suck, and if it sucks badly enough, I'm sure someone will MST it (which would actually be kinda cool... in a totally humiliating sort of way). I know zero Japanese, which means I've only watched the DiC dubbed version of the show,
and therefor use the American names and all that. I hope all of you Sailor Moon purists out there don't instantly write me off due to this, because that would be kinda wasteful, wouldn't it?
Sailor Mars is my favorite, so this story is about her. The title comes from a Shawn Mullins song of the same name, and I thought it was kind of appropriate, what with the rebirth of souls being a very strong theme throughout Sailor Moon mythology.
Please, please, please tell me what you think about this story, whether your opinion is positive or negative. Feedback is really important to me, and if you don't tell me what you like/dislike, I won't know what to keep/change!
Now, finally, on with the show!

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I can't do this anymore. No, please don't start... don't tell me what I know you're thinking. Don't tell me that everyone feels this way sometimes, that with a little time I can work past it... I don't want to work past it! I want to be normal! I want a life! Why can't anyone understand this? Why can't all of you just let me go?
It's my duty. It's my destiny. It's my damn job. Yes, I know. But it all comes down to one thing: I have no choice! I hate that. I truly, truly hate not being able to choose. I live my life for Serena, I live my life for Crystal Tokyo and for Rini and for a future that I'm not even sure I want. No, I didn't mean that. Of course I want Crystal Tokyo. Of course I want Rini to be born. I just wish I had been given a choice.
I suppose I was, back then... but I had no way of realizing what I was agreeing to. No one did. Who could've known that the Moon Kingdom would be defeated, that Queen Serenity would be forced to send all of us to Earth? Who knew she would be forced to send us to a time when we senshi are... are forced to hide, to pretend to be something we aren't... to pretend to be normal. Gods, to be normal... The irony is almost too painful.
I know this is selfish, and stupid, and unrealistic... and for such a seemingly petty reason! But I just can't forget. I can't forget his eyes or his smile or his voice... and it angers me. I don't want to see him every
time I close my eyes! I don't want to dream of him every night, and to wake up longing for him every morning! I am more than this. I am a Sailor Senshi, a princess, a priestess, a warrior!
It's not that I don't want to be a Senshi any longer, it's just that I'm so damn sick of having to hide who I am. I gave him up for you, Serena. I gave him up for Crystal Tokyo and for Rini and for a future that I'm afraid of. I gave him up because I loved him so much that I knew one day I would tell him who I am, and that in so doing I would put his life in danger. I knew that if I let myself continue loving him, continue the way I wanted to, then he would be doomed. They've found us before; what's to stop it from happening again?
I am so frightened. I'm afraid of losing myself, of losing Raye Hino, of becoming Sailor Mars in all that I am, have been or will be. There is more to me than Sailor Mars! And there is more to me than loving him. I just have to remember what that is.
End I